Weird Drink Roundup: Red Espresso and Alcohol ßG Killer
One of the perks of this job is that I get to try a lot of stuff I would otherwise pass over. Examples A and B being the drinks that appeared on my desk last week: Red Espresso and Alcohol ßG Killer.
Both drinks have fibs in their names. Red espresso is neither espresso nor red (maybe a very dark burgundy or brown) and Alcohol Killer doesn't kill alcohol or allow you to drive with a buzz, though its over-the-top Web site suggests as much. Neither have caffeine yet both are trying to replace caffeinated drinks.
Red Espresso is a rooibos tea from South Africa that's brewed in an espresso machine. It claims to give you a natural energy boost and lots of antioxidants. Alcohol ßG Killer is Austrian (the ß is a German letter called eszett and is pronounced like a double s) and like its Austrian bruder Red Bull, it's a slightly carbonated energy drink. Besides having no caffeine, Alcohol Killer doesn't have any taurine either. To give the drinker energy it relies on ExtraAK, a trademarked name of a special chemical compound.
What a cub is to a mama bear, what rhythm is to blues, what a bribe is to a politician — these are nothing compared to what caffeine is to me. So it was with great trepidation that I gave up my beloved coffee for the weekend to switch to these two.
First the red espresso...
I wasn't expecting it to taste like espresso. Reviews elsewhere made it clear that it wouldn't. I also wasn't expecting that it would taste like tea. Very hot, strong tea, in which the bag's been left for hours. That's actually how I like my tea so it was a pleasant surprise. The flavor packed a smoother punch than black tea and was sippable without the creme I normally add. I also enjoyed the coolness factor of making tea on an espresso machine. As it was coming out of my Faema espresso machine, it had the same crema and slightly thick consistency that good espresso has. The downside is that not many people own espresso machines and it's not very easy to pour the tea from the package into the handle.
The biggest downside, though, is that Red Espresso isn't available in Kansas City yet. Natasha, the company spokeswoman who sent me a bag to try, assured me that it would be in local Whole Foods stores soon but gave no timetable. When it does arrive, I could see myself buying a bag once every six months. It's not going to replace coffee in the morning, that's for sure. But it could be a nice afternoon drink when I am coffeed-out but need a pick-me-up that won't get me too wired.
Alcohol Killer, on the other hand, gave me no pick-me-up nor does it taste very good. I had it twice over the weekend in "optimum" scenarios to test how much it sobered me up and how much of the edge it took off of a hangover. Both times, I was disappointed in the lack of effect.
The taste is like a bitter Red Bull with a lot of added grapefruit juice. Flat, chemically grapefruit juice. Like Red Bull it was awful the first time, slightly less awful the second time. Since energy drinks to tend be acquired tastes, in six months Alcohol Killer could taste like carbonated heaven to me but these first cans tasted like a science experiment. I will say that the makers did get the sweetness right. I've tried to drink a Monster energy drink when hungover and couldn't because it was too sweet. Gatorade is the sweetest thing I can handle hungover, and Alcohol Killer is less sweet than Gatorade. Sweet or not, I felt no bump after drinking a can on Sunday morning. It did nothing to help my throbbing headache.
I read the can to see if I was doing something wrong but it just says, "The decrease of alcohol in the body takes time, may vary with each individual and depends on factors such as gender, metabolism, consumed food, body weight, etc." Next hangover, I'll stick to water.
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