Kansas City News Blog

So just how much is soon-to-be-mayor Mark Funkhouser a man of the people? Enough that he's letting any schlep with Internet access apply to be on one of the city's reams of public boards. That's right, just by filling out this online form, you could be on your way to impressing your bar buddies as a member of Liquor Control. Or you could help screw up a historic area as part of the Jazz District Redevelopment Corporation.

The form is so easy to fill out, we couldn't let it go without signing up some unsuspecting citizen.

For a while now, I've been looking for a way to mess with Alonzo Washington. If you don't know him, he describes himself as a "crime fighter and comic book creator." He has, in fact, been responsible for helping solve some crimes, most famously the Precious Doe case. But his Exxon-inspired haircut and MC Hammer-style swagger have earned him the ire of anybody who wouldn't flex his pecs for his MySpace photo.

So I signed him up. First, I put him down for the Smoking Task Force, because if there's one thing that this cat is, it's smokin'. After that, there were so many choices. Police Retirement Board? You know he'd enjoy that. Women's Kansas City Association for International Trade? Ladies, watch out, because there's a new hunk of man on the dais.

No, he needs to get outside his comfort zone. So I signed him up for the Clay County University of Missouri Extension Council. The Extension Office works with the Future Farmers of America and answers gardening questions from old ladies. 4-H, meet Alonzo Washington.

There was one catch to filling out the form for somebody else. It requires references. Without knowing Washington's inner circle, I had to get creative. So his first reference is none other than Police Chief James Corwin. Next up was the whitest dude I could find. I'd just love to hear that call when Funkhouser's people, looking for a reference on Alonzo Washington, call Gary Lezak. -- Eric Barton