Kansas City News Blog

This weekend, let's GO TO THE LIBRARY! On our bikes! Right after tonight's superamazing HIGH FIVE CONTEST! After the jump, a number of weekend events we found interesting.

Semi-Periodic High Five Contest

I always thought of the high-five as a means by which men communicate ideas such as “Great job!” and “I’d slap you on the ass, but I’d look like a homosexual, and we can’t have that, but good goddamn job!” I’m not a big high-fiver, and I’ve occasionally left dudes hanging with their hands up in the air, unable to fully express their masculine approbation, contemplating the sound of one hand high-fiving while I stare, sort of embarrassed, in another direction.

It turns out that there are degrees of excellence in the fine art of the high-five, and tonight at the 75th Street Brewery (520 West 75th Street), you can pit your expressions of male commendation against an array of high-fiving opponents in a series of challenges that include the classic five, the wet five, the jumping high-ten, the top gun and the free style. As Dave Barry would say, We swear we’re not making this motherfucking shit up, Dogg. Show up at 10 p.m. to see if we’re lyin’.

Off-The-Wall Film Series: The Amazing Colossal Man

Tonight, the Central Library (14 West Tenth Street) continues its Off-The-Wall Film Series -- which is a series of films projected on, rather than off, a wall -- with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode featuring The Amazing Colossal Man. Screening on the rooftop terrace of the Central Library at 8:45 p.m., this al fresco event is one of two subversive nonbook-related library events we’re recommending this weekend.

Super Saturdays: Rubber Chickens, Rubber Ducks, and Water Balloon Launchers

Saturday at 2 p.m., kids ages six and older can test the laws of physics with water-balloon launchers and rubber chickens. Here’s a law of physics that you don’t need a water balloon to test: the second law of thermodynamics, which states that the entropy of a closed system will increase over time. If you think about it, the well-known instruction manual Everybody Poops is a pretty good expression of the second law – which, in simple terms that a 6-year-old child or a Mind of Mencia viewer can understand, means that someday, Mommy and Daddy will become very, very old, deteriorate and die. In the meantime, seize this life-affirming opportunity hurl water balloons at the West Wyandotte Library (1737 North 82nd Street).

833rd Tour de Cowtown

If there’s one thing I love, it’s calling Kansas City “Cowtown.” I hardly ever say “Kansas City” because I’m a very busy man and, dude, that’s like four syllables. In the time it takes you to say “Kansas City,” I’ve already said “Cowtown,” finished the last page of the chapter I was reading in How to Pick Up Women, and successfully seduced your wife. It’s exactly the same way San Francisco residents call their town “Frisco.” Really, go to San Francisco, and repeatedly say “Frisco.” It won’t annoy anyone. Just like the laid-back attitude we all have here in the town we call home: Cowtown.

And if there’s one thing I love more, it’s riding bicycles. There was a lot of irony in the preceding paragraph, so you may need to cleanse your palate and reread this one, because I’m not kidding about that at all. I really do love riding bikes, the way your wife loves my rock-hard abdominal muscles. The Acme Bicycle Company (412 East 18th Street) is hosting its Tour de Cowtown, as they (apparently) have 832 times before. It’s a series of events and competitions around good old Cowtown, with prizes -- including a Breezer Zig-Zag bike. It costs $12 to register, and the event starts at 5 p.m.