Cellmates for Paris Hilton
* Gov. Matt Blunt, so that he can see what shitty health care is really like.
* Kris Kobach needs to be somebody’s bitch. But in a bit of Hollywood-style irony, he ought to have his passport stripped from him before he’s dropped into a Tijuana drunk tank.
* Hampton Stevens, for his overblown ego. Plus, he's got a new picture in KC Magazine, and he looks puffy and hideous.
* Hearne Christopher Jr., for crimes against our eyes.
* Katheryn Shields keeps proclaiming her innocence. But Shields could easily pull off Eleanor Parker’s role in the 1950 movie Caged. Just imagine Shields getting her head shaved by the big ol’ matron Evelyn Harper. The movie’s best line of dialogue comes when the matron looks at Eleanor as if she were a pork chop and says: "Let's you and me get acquainted honey. You may be a number to others but not to me. Sit down in this chair, it's kinda roomy...." Shields could be that pork chop.
* There are too many reasons to list why we’d like to see it. But there’s no doubt that a jail cell somewhere ought to house Walt Disney’s head.
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