By CHRIS RASMUSSEN
The simplest way for a team to draw attention is to win games. Today, the 1-7 Brigade appear to be relying on a different strategy: appealing to nostalgic fantasy football players by announcing the signing of quarterback Quincy Carter. In his career, Carter displays the vocational stability of a migrant farm worker, released by four separate teams as a result of substance abuse issue.
While everyone deserves a second (or, in Carter's case, fifth) chance, what’s the logic in signing the former Dallas Cowboy and Georgia Bulldog quarterback? After all, Carter last played professional football in 2007 for the Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings of the "af2" -- the minor leagues of the Arena Football League and not a symbol in the periodic table. The Brigade's press release itself hints that Carter is risky, even attempting to use Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards as a character witness, who coached him three years, three leagues and two arrests ago.
The Brigade announced that head coach Kevin Porter will "closely monitor" Carter during the season, begging the question whether Porter will be also compensated for his time as Carter's parole officer.
More on Carter:
* After high school, he surprised many by rejecting a football scholarship offer from Georgia Tech, playing as a minor league outfielder for the Cubs organization instead. Carter explained: “In football you have to practice every day and sometimes you can get by by just going through the motions, whereas in baseball you have to work hard and concentrate each and every day.” After discovering that concentrating completely blows, Carter later opted to go through the motions as the starting quarterback at the University of Georgia.
* After leading the Cowboys to their first playoff appearance since Troy Aikman’s departure, Dallas cut Carter before the next season under suspicious circumstances, prompting some to report he tested positive for cocaine. This saved a roster spot for Tony Romo, providing a grateful nation an opportunity to view Jessica Simpson in a garish Cowboy jersey rooting for her dreamy boyfriend.
How do you do it, Mr. Rasmussen? Every day I learn something new. Today: THE AFL HAS A MINOR LEAGUE!? Are you freaking kidding me? Not that I don't trust you, but I had to Wiki it. And sure enough, there is a Wiki page for af2, where you can learn that players make $250 per game. No wonder Quincy signed with the Brigade - $250 a week is about enough to support a raging coke habit for a dust mite.
I went to my first AFL game a few weeks ago - free ticket. Sure, I'd take a free ticket again if I had nothing at all to do (Dancing with the Stars was on haitus). But after seeing two hours of officiating worse than my nephew's tee ball games, and inexplicable decisions by the team that was thrashing the Brigade, which looked clearly designed to keep them in the game, it is clear to me that the AFL will never be considered an actual sport.
And there you have it, Quincy Carter was signed to play for the Brigade because it pays more than the circus, and he doesn't have to shave the bearded lady's armpits.
Posted at: May 2, 2008 10:09 AM