By CHRIS PACKHAM
The "broken windows" theory postulates that urban neighborhoods with tall weeds, broken windows, burned-out car husks and 
corpses will inevitably succumb to what sociologists and physicists call "the second law of thermodynamics" and continue to get worse and decay until the heat-death of the universe. Or maybe they explode in a bloody, scientific conflagration. Either way, not good. Because according to the theory, broken windows lead to more broken windows, leading to more corpse-dumping and more stray hogs running through the streets, and before long, whoops, there go the Mission Hills property values.
One form of broken windows that may surprise you: black kids with saggy pants. Upright caucasians have been getting worked up about black youth culture since, like, forever. It all goes back to the popular black youth fad of the "underground railroad" in the 19th century. Via the "broken windows" theory, this inevitably led to black youth Elvis Presley inventing devil music, and the whites who control the media had to censor his black pelvis.
These days, caucasians are worried about saggy pants. Because pretty soon, they'll lead to more saggy pants, leading to broken windows, demon rum and playing at games of chance. KMBC Channel 9 reports on efforts in Sikeston, Missouri to "crack down" on exposed buttcracks. HAHAHAHA! And then my bow-tie spins around. The Sikeston City Council is operating on the time-tested theory that if something is prohibited by the grown-ups, it will be less attractive to kids. Because if there's one thing black youth respects, it's the ordinances of the Sikeston City Council.
Oh, the story had this dumb survey question:
It was a survey of how many white people like to click buttons on the internet. Here are the results:
Results: A lot of white people like to click buttons.
"The Man" is on vacation this week, so he'll get back to hassling black youths next week. After the jump, rejoice, o ye women's clinic, plus some nonsensical insults about your mom. Click here, or on this vacation shot of "The Man" enjoying his stay at Sandals Montego Bay with his lovely wife, Mrs. "The Man":
Phill Kline is a genius at losing: Johnson County District failure-douche Phill Kline's pursuit of criminal charges against an Overland Park fast-food restaurant — whoops, I mean a Planned Parenthood clinic, is now in jeopardy since he was such a complete embarrassing failure at getting the Republican nomination for Johnson County District Attorney and also everything else he's ever done professionally. Kline will have to leave office in January, and preliminary hearings won't be scheduled until later in the calendar, so his successor will have to decide how to proceed. Since Kline's cases tend to be built less on criminal statutes than on fervent wishes and angel farts, it's unlikely that this one will ever come to "full-term." HO!
Foreign policy sure is expensive! And so is your mom! Thanks to high oil prices, the Iraqi government has a budget surplus of $79 billion, which — rather than spending it on Iraqi reconstruction projects — Iraq has parked in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, where the U.S. has paid $435.6 million in interest over two years, while continuing the cycle of blowing shit up followed by paying to rebuild it, followed by blowing it up again. It's the very same precious, beautiful circle of life your mom still enjoys listening to on the Lion King soundtrack while she drives to her job as a whore. HAKUNA MATATA, you guys! I'm only kidding about "your mom is a whore." That was just some salty language I learned when I was in the navy. But you know what isn't funny at all? When your mom doesn't have my money.
I see what appears to be yellow clad black nippleage in the background of your photo of The Man and Mrs. The Man. Plus, it appears to be Photoshopped to have Mrs. The Man looking at said nippleage. Such two dimensional innuendo will not be accepted! It is an Obamanation where such pornography and sloped shoulder backfat are on display for all to see. If The Plog enabled all HTML, a poll would be posted proving this!
Posted at: August 7, 2008 11:52 AM