From the comments:
Hoogie Boogie Land Chamber of Commerce says:We're anticipating an influx of new immigrants from the U.S. come John McCain's victory in November.
If monkeys dressed up like Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke: The government is 
taking over loan guarantors Bernie Mae and Fannie Mac. In boring terms of boringness, they've been placed in a conservatorship by the Federal Housing Finance Agency, a new financial arrangement which will firehose the shareholders like war widows at the Republican National Convention, and the details of which would obviously be easier to follow if they were acted out by monkeys wearing little suits. Because how cute would that be? This cute:
MONKEYS WEARING MONOCLES, you guys. Sometimes when I click on the "play" button of an embedded video, the status bar on my attention span runs out faster than the status bar on the video, but when you dress up monkeys like little spies and mad scientists, you have my full fucking attention. If they'd had monkeys teach me algebra in high school, I might have finished high school and earned a diploma instead of getting my GED while I was in the slammer. Thankfully, the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary has a more enlightened policy w/r/t cute monkey pedagogy, which is why I can now diagram sentences. After the jump, Esquire magazine misuses science, and some self-righteous Internet folk get outraged about book banning. Click here, or on this adorable picture of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac:
Print is dead, and not even science can reanimate it: In 1916, German physicist Karl Schwarzschild was messing around with Einstein's field equations in his basement and figured out how to calculate the gravitational radius, or "Schwarzschild radius," of any mass. This describes a radius for any given mass where, if that mass were compressed into that radius, no known force could stop it from continuing to collapse into a singularity. It provided the first accurate description of black holes, but did it help Schwarzschild get rid of dead hitchhikers? Nobody's saying. But the manifest lack of corpses buried under his porch speaks volumes about the usefulness of science.
Esquire magazine applied science to the October 2008 issue of its magazine by publishing the first e-ink cover of a monthly periodical. It's basically a thin, flexible electronic display, and the result is depressingly unimaginative:
As BoingBoing Gadgets' John Brownlee says, the future is now and it looks like a circa 2001 Goldenpalace.com ad banner. Somebody smarter than me could use science to determine the Schwarzschild radius of Esquire, but it's pretty clear that it's already collapsed into a singularity and commenced sucking.
Blah blah Palin, blah blah banned books: After taking a beat-down from the press over the weekend for actually restricting access to an unknown vice-presidential candidate, the McCain campaign will now briefly release Sarah Palin from presidential cram school to the warm, inviting bosom of journalist substitute Charlie Gibson for an Access Hollywood-style series of sit-down interviews. Embarrassing for everyone involved.
Meanwhile, some outraged Internet folk dug around in the official minutes of the Wasilla Library Board and produced a list of 92 books that then-Mayor Sarah Palin wanted removed from the Wasilla library, along with the Wasilla librarian. Featuring beloved Slaughterhouse Five and beloved Harry Potter and the Every Volume of Harry Potter and also beloved Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary by Merriam-Webster, it's basically the Quién está Quién of commonly banned authors. There is absolutely no way Sarah Palin has read even a third of the books on this list — Boccaccio's The Decameron? Give me a fucking break. Palin obviously just copied the entire list off the back of a Banned Books Week T-shirt some Earth First hippie was wearing while she waited in line to pay for blubber and harpoons at whatever the Alaskan equivalent of Piggly Wiggly is.
It should come as no surprise that the kinds of people who get outraged by book banning would post the list on a Livejournal page in Comic Sans font on a Stewie-for-president-themed layout. Yehoshua H. Crucifix, people, can you stereotype yourselves a little more forcefully? That's as bad as "Eskimo with harpoon," "German physicist," and "Mexican bandito with bandoleer shooting his guns in the air and shouting 'AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!'" As a sad coda to the crumbling state of intellectual elitism, the Livejournal blogger who posted the list uses some kind of fucking Hawkeye Pierce avatar, presumably because nothing more totally insufferable was available when he typed "WAR BAD" into Google Image search.
I am the new, improved, Star-commentator pleasing post-layoffs version of Yael. Nobody's more traditional than me! Nobody!
Posted at: September 8, 2008 11:08 AM