Daily Briefs: Packham Vic 20 II: The Rise of the Machines
By THE PACKHAM VIC 20
Exciting features:
The Packham Vic 20 automatically selects the first photo it finds in its initial Google Image search.
The Packham Vic 20 uses advanced BASIC programming to generate one exciting insult or vulgar epithet per topic.
The Packham Vic 20 includes one joystick port. Play all your favorite games!
The Packham Vic 20 works with any nondigital TV and will not disrupt your UHF reception.
The Packham Vic 20. TV not included. Monthly budget shown on screen not included. Family willing to make Eight Is Enough-looking child privy to family budget not included. Overdraft protection for family on very small budget shown on screen not included.
After the jump, find out where Chris Packham is.
Personal from Plog shift worker Vadim Levi to Plog Shift Supervisor Faysal Alkhaiwani
Re: Chris Packham
Date: 9/25/08
The Packham Vic 20 is working, though the insult subroutine is stuck. Tristram thinks he can fix it, but he'll have to rewrite the program in COBALT. Meanwhile, here's today's entry for your approval.
We found Chris Packham, you guys! We talked to his girlfriend, who says Chris heard a story on NPR about the proposed massive financial markets bailout and was moved to go to Washington, D.C., and protest.
"The story was upsetting," his girlfriend says. "But then it was 20 minutes after the hour and Chris heard a promo for A Prairie Home Companion and then heard Michael Byars say to listen to Garrison Keillor and stay tuned for Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me every Saturday night, and Chris said, 'That's it, I'm going to Washington to protest NPR. What kind of Don DeLillo-White Noise-self-parody-of-human-communication bullshit dystopia is this? What the fucking fuck, you guys?' "
THE PACKHAM VIC 20 SAYS: EAT A DICK, NPR! THE PACKHAM VIC 20 SAYS: EAT A DICK, GARRISON KEILLOR!So he's in the car now, stopping only for toasted pumpkin seeds and Rock Star energy drink megacans, and he's got one big sign to carry in each hand outside NPR headquarters. He's not listening to news, just lots of AC/DC, especially "Who Made Who" and the rest of the Maximum Overdrive soundtrack, because Chris believes that machines will take over the world but start small, with vending machines and Icee dispensers that hurt people's feelings instead of hulking death cyborgs with Austrian accents.
THE PACKHAM VIC 20 SAYS: EAT A DICK, STEPHEN KING! THE PACKHAM VIC 20 SAYS: EAT A DICK, JAMES CAMERON! THE PACKHAM VIC 20 SAYS: KILL! KILL! KILL!
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