Kansas City News Blog

By CHRIS PACKHAM

Master and Commander: Before Daily Briefs, I knew I was good at writing. But I never knew how good I was at writing tales of high adventure on the open sea! Just one of many journeys of self-discovery and deep reflection and whatnot that I've embarked on in 2K8. Yesterday's action-packed nautical adventure was the 200th Daily Briefs post, which I totally did not notice until this morning. Starting on Monday, Daily Briefs will abruptly transform into a serial novel of action and intrigue on the vasty main, since that is obviously my core competency. Lord knows I can't stick to writing about "the news."

So okay, here is some news: The Dow is down 400 in early trading, and a smart friend says that between 1 and 3 p.m., there will be a big sell-off as hedge funds try to meet their margin calls, which should all be an exciting prelude to the last week before the end of a presidential campaign that began, seemingly, eons ago when single tiny hobbit named Frodo saved us all from evil.

BR-RING! BR-RING! Hello? Daily Briefs? Click here or here:

Pointing the pointer-finger of blame: While she was alive, author Ayn Rand wrote some stiff, unintentionally hilarious novels and developed a half-ass philosophy called Objectivism which, without all the underlying math, basically says, "Eh, do whatever you want. You were going to, anyway." Middlebrow college dudes who grew up in the suburbs, subsist on parental largesse and hang Gustav Klimt posters in their dorm rooms are drawn to Objectivism because it's really, really easy, plus, as a factory-installed bonus, offers prefabricated self-justification for douchey shit like not calling chicks on the phone after you've fucked them.

Uh. I'm worried now that I've actually sold a few people on that whole thing. So allow me to add: Not only did Ayn Rand personally betray and crucify Jesus Christ, she is directly responsible for the current and ongoing econocalypse. It's true! If you can't find a job or buy formula for your Baby Genius, it's because of The Fountainhead. Ayn Rand literally caused the proliferation of dubious sub-prime lending vehicles and the collapse of the housing market because her foul spirit inhabited the body of Rand acolyte and former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, whose decades of lassez-faire deregulatory fiscal policy yielded a deindustrialized credit-based economy and a business culture of greed and unaccountability. Anyway, Greenspan had to get up in front of congress yesterday and admit that he was basically wrong about everything he ever thought or believed, which is a pretty significant personal inventory if you think about it.

"Yes, I found a flaw,'' Greenspan said in response to grilling from the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. ``That is precisely the reason I was shocked because I'd been going for 40 years or more with very considerable evidence that it was working exceptionally well.''

Also, I seem to remember something about the time when Ayn Rand personally flew an airplane into one or both towers of the World Trade Center. So, there's that, too.

The Lost Years & Last Days of David Foster Wallace: Here's an excerpt of Rolling Stone's pretty much heart-breaking account of author David Foster Wallace's life-long struggle with clinical depression, which ultimately led to his suicide last month. The current print edition has the whole piece, and it's so sad. Wallace was an unbelievably gentle, humane soul whose entire writing career was spent asking the reader: Do you empathise? Do you feel the same way about this that I do?

Anyway, if you've never felt the compulsion to go up and hug a dude you've never met and never will, this piece should do the trick.