In a Kansas City Star editorial yesterday, Yael T. Abouhalkah posited the existence of a "good" Mayor Mark Funkhouser and a "bad" Mayor Mark Funkhouser: "The good Funkhouser is the one Kansas Citians thought they were electing in 2007, the one who was going to attack the city's financial ills," writes Abouhalkah. He never explicitly defines the "bad" Funkhouser, but he's the one who spends a lot of time on national television bitching about his wife's ejection from City Hall and suing the City Council. If I were a Star Trek fan -- and I am decidedly not a Star Trek fan -- I'd also point out that the "bad" Funkhouser is the one with the goatee, HAHAHAHAHA, followed by taping my glasses back together, quoting Ralphie Wiggum, posting on a Bruce Campbell usenet group, steampunk case-modding an Apple Newton, redrafting some Boba Fett fan-fiction, dressing up like the Joker, masturbating to pictures of Captain Janeway and listening to They Might Be Giants. I think we know where Yael stands on that whole thing. After the jump, some filthy pictures from a middle-aged swingers forum so horrifying that simply looking at them will, like gazing upon the horrifying visage of a difficult-to-pronounce evil demigod from an H.P. Lovecraft tale, drive you stark raving mad. Click here or here:
A word about Al Franken: From the great state that brought us Morris Day, the Coen Brothers and the endless A Prairie Home Assisted Suicide Machine comes the 2008 Senatorial election and interminable vote recount in which unfunny Al Franken is dead-even with evil crook Norm Coleman. I have absolutely no idea who to root for, here. What's ultimately pushing me to advocate for Coleman is an Al Franken appearance I watched on The Daily Show years ago, in which Franken did the following hateful show-bizzy flourish so shamelessly that I couldn't believe I was actually seeing it happen right in front of me: When asked if he still "did" deeply unfunny self-help character Stuart Smalley, Franken actually looked over his shoulder and pretended to call the character from backstage: "Stuart, are you back there?" And then proceeded to emit familiar Stuart Smalley catch-phrases in a voice that always pretty much sounded like Al Franken with a lisp.
Pretending to call a character from backstage has to be right up there with that moment in one-man plays, often starring Hal Holbrook, in which the character walks onstage, looks at the audience and says, "Oh! I didn't see you there," as perfected by Tom Scharpling, legendary host of The Best Show on WFMU in his one-man theatrical production, Dutch.
How else are they going to learn? Some employees from the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center in Abilene, Kansas are in trouble, now, thanks to some non-hidden camera footage showing kids tied to chairs, locked under the sink and flung against walls and whatnot. You're probably already expecting to hear that the camera was secretly hidden by suspicious parents or suspicious authorities like the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, the police, the Water Authority or whatever. Nope! In this case, the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center provides a webcam for parents to check in on the abuse of their kids from work, as a service. So they were broadcasting their own non-regulation improper handling of kids. AND: You're probably expecting to hear that the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center is an unlicensed business based out of a house and run by an elderly woman and her unemployed middle-aged son whose trial for stealing copper wiring is pending. Again, no. Instead, the L&GDCDC is operated by Memorial Health System. Really makes you stop and think about your prejudices and predispositions and whatnot, doesn't it? Prejudice is bad. Stay in school. Stop snitching. Huffing is for "dopes." Click it or ticket.
-- Chris Packham
Pretending to call a character from backstage has to be right up there with that moment in one-man plays, often starring Hal Holbrook, in which the character walks onstage, looks at the audience and says, "Oh! I didn't see you there," as perfected by Tom Scharpling, legendary host of The Best Show on WFMU in his one-man theatrical production, Dutch.
How else are they going to learn? Some employees from the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center in Abilene, Kansas are in trouble, now, thanks to some non-hidden camera footage showing kids tied to chairs, locked under the sink and flung against walls and whatnot. You're probably already expecting to hear that the camera was secretly hidden by suspicious parents or suspicious authorities like the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, the police, the Water Authority or whatever. Nope! In this case, the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center provides a webcam for parents to check in on the abuse of their kids from work, as a service. So they were broadcasting their own non-regulation improper handling of kids. AND: You're probably expecting to hear that the Learn and Grow Depot Child Development Center is an unlicensed business based out of a house and run by an elderly woman and her unemployed middle-aged son whose trial for stealing copper wiring is pending. Again, no. Instead, the L&GDCDC is operated by Memorial Health System. Really makes you stop and think about your prejudices and predispositions and whatnot, doesn't it? Prejudice is bad. Stay in school. Stop snitching. Huffing is for "dopes." Click it or ticket.
-- Chris Packham
There is nothing more dreadful than an unfunny comedian who thinks he is funny and laughs at his own jokes. Franken sucks.
Posted at: December 4, 2008 10:07 AM