Kansas City News Blog

A Missouri court of appeals has determined that threatening to "put the shammy" on someone is not a felony.

In 2006, a Kansas City man named William Heather was charged with harassment after he left disturbing messages on a woman's phone. In a voice message, Heather said, in part, "you can get this straight if you're someone I think I know, right, and you can go to prison for the rest of your f---ing lives and never see your children again." The message continued: "I'm getting ready to put the shammy on everybody you f---ing know and everybody you f---ing even talk to."

The woman testified that she did not know Heather, who also sent text messages with threats about sending her to prison.

Heather was charged with violating a city ordinance. The violation notice said Heather "threaten[ed] to commit a felony, to wit, stated he would kill her."

Tried in Kansas City Municipal Court, Heather argued that there was no evidence of a murder threat. The city prosecutor argued that the "shammy" reference was "threatening enough." A judge found Heather guilty and sentenced him to 180 days in jail.

Heather appealed, and lacking a suitable definition for "shammy," a three-judge panel agreed that the evidence did not support his conviction.

The appeals court noted that Heather said he would put the shammy on everyone, not the woman he called. Also, the city was forced to concede that "put the shammy on" has no understood meaning, even after a search of "linguistic resources, internet and otherwise."

(The definitions for "shammy" on Urbandictionary.com include "a nickname for Shamu," "one who is obsessed with myspace" and "one who is mistaken in thinking that she is attractive and well-liked.") 

The appeals court determined that while Heather's communications were "uncivilized and reprehensible," his conviction and sentence should be vacated. The city, the court said, could have sustained a conviction if Heather had been charged with a subsection of the ordinance making it unlawful to call someone and use coarse language offensive to the average sensibility.