Kansas City News Blog

Nicole Reinertson

Mean Melin won the 2009 U.S. Air Guitar Championships' Kansas City Regional competion at the Record Bar Tuesday night.

Mean Melin rocked so hard that he split his pants. It wasn't the usual pants split from behind but in the crotch ... in front of a crowded Record Bar ... while playing air guitar. 

Luckily for him -- and us -- he was wearing tighty whities. Even luckier, Mean Melin has no shame.

Mean Melin is the air guitar alter ego of Eric Melin. Going into Tuesday night's regional, Melin was banged up. He'd bruised his foot the night before practicing on his deck. He came down wrong on his foot and couldn't walk on it. But adrenaline, tape and a few beers numbed the pain.

And after last night, Mean Melin has a ticket to air rock at the U.S. Air Guitar Finals in Washington, D.C.

Last night at the Record Bar, Kansas City's wannabe air guitarists looked ridiculous but rocked hard.

Nicole Reinertson

Satanica!

There was the long-and-tattooed beauty Satanica, rocking Danzig's "Twist of Cain."

The bearded, flannel-wearing toker, Dream Catcher, rocked out when he wasn't too high to Black Sabbath's "Sweet Leaf." 

One guy, wearing his dad's vinyl pants, had a peace sign tanned on his stomach.

The technical genius of Brodie Rush couldn't overcome his snoozer of a performance (points off for actually knowing how to play the song).

Nicole Reinertson

Dirk Tickler looks for airness.

Dirk Tickler looked the part in a black wig and glow-in-the-dark skeleton tee, but lacked the special something that sets hall of famers like Hot Lixx Hulahan and Bjorn Turoque apart from rest. That special something is airness.

"You know it when you see it," Hot Lixx told the crowd. He should know; he's the reigning World Air Guitar Champion.

Airness was obvious in Mean Melin. He oozed it. Roadies led him on stage. They shot him up with smack, carved out imaginary lines of blow for him and strapped on his guitar. He jumped, kicked, swung his imaginary guitar around and outclassed his competition. The judges -- hall of famer Bjorn Turoque, St. Joseph News reporter Lacey Storer and DJ Charlie Burt -- were blown away giving him scores of 5.9, 5.9 and 6.0 (the highest possible score). Turoque compared Melin's performance to a coke high. It was over too quickly.

"Don't die yet," Burt told him. "You may need to go to Washington."

Nicole Reinertson

"I can see your heart," someone heckled Banana Man after he took off his shirt.

Others showed promise. From the leaping of Hammerin' Cock and Thunderin' Ballz to the exertion of Long Bottom Leaf to the enthusiasm of Banana Man. They all made the final seven with Dirk Tickler, Motley Cruz, Satanica and Mean Melin.

But while the final round -- a 12 second performances of Motorhead's frantic "Ace of Spades" -- it lacked suspense. Mean Melin killed it. He windmilled. he played over his head. He slid on his knees and split his pants. He punted a cup into the crowd. The guy owned the stage playing a freaking imaginary guitar. Not even those ripped pants could stop him. Other competitors bowed to him and tried to tear at his clothes. The judges gave him a perfect score.

Worship Mean Melin.

Earlier this morning, I spoke with a banged up Mean Melin. He told me the bruise on his foot had moved down a couple of toes. He's putting off a visit to the doctor, hoping on rest.

But the spot in the U.S. Air Guitar Finals in Washington, D.C., eclipses the pain. Until then, he'll be practicing his air ax and hoping someone will help find him a new wardrobe.

The yellow pants with the ripped out crotch are done. But Mean Melin rocks on.