Kansas City News Blog

It's a fact of life that in modern America we're "pressured to do more, do better and look fantastic while doing it," according to Robin Abrahams, the ethics and etiquette columnist for the Boston Globe, who spoke last night at Rainy Day Books in Fairview. And "when we're stressed out and busy, we may not have the bandwidth" for politeness, Abrahams continued.

But there's still no good excuse for not sending a thank you note.

Abrahams, who used to be known as Robin Pearce and live in Kansas City, was in the area to promote her first book, Miss Conduct's Mind Over Manners. She read excerpts from the volume, which contrary to what you'd expect is not a collection of advice letters she's received over the years but rather an analysis of why impoliteness may seem to be on the rise and how the standards of etiquette are changing as our society becomes increasingly diverse, mobile and tech-oriented.

As I summarize, the subject may not sound all that interesting, but Abrahams, who has a PhD in psychology from Boston University and used to work the stand-up comic circuit around here, made an engaging case for trying to live a well-mannered life. And she didn't come off snooty. In fact, Abrahams believes that rudeness in America is a good sign -- it's a symptom of our society adjusting to the idea of "universal courtesy." "In the past 40 years, the modern West has signed on to the idea that courtesy should be extended to everyone," Abrahams said. "It's hardly surprising that we're still not good at it. ... We're cave people living in a civilized world."

The Rainy Day crowd was mostly women and older men, many of them old friends of Abrahams'. Her mother perched in the front row, delighted and proud. At one during the question and answer portion of the evening, Abrahams' mother popped up and asked her daughter if she knew who a certain audience member was. Abrahams' face went blank and a little pink as she struggled to put a name to a face she hadn't seen in at least a decade. She couldn't.

And there's proof that even an expert on etiquette is bound to have socially awkward moments.