Kansas City News Blog

​Don't get hungry -- the cupcakes in the picture aren't edible. They're dissolving bath fizzies by Dirty Laundry, just one of the many local vendors showing off the goods tonight at the Ric Rac Roundup from 5-9 p.m. at Californos, 4124 Pennsylvania, in Westport.

Shop now and you'll get to sleep in on Black Friday.

This bobblehead of oversized novelty Mayor Mark Funkhouser is amazing.

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Not sure where it came from and who's behind it, but I spied this creative bicycle chained to a street sign at 41st and Main this weekend. Not only is it a cool work of urban art, but also good advice for motorists, now that bike commuters will be pedaling home from work in the dark.

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One of the best free things to do during the holidays in Kansas City is wander around Union Station. Workers there haven't put up any decorations yet, so it's too early to tell whether this year of financial distress means the Grand Hall will be less-decked. But one thing we can always count on is a giant train set. This one's been up and running for awhile now ...
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... with an opportunity for wistful Rockwellian nostalgia at every turn.
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It just makes you feel all full of holiday cheer. (It can also remind you of your uncle who worked for the railroad and could never be home on Christmas Eve, but that's another story). Look, here's a train rumbling right through the middle of town.

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But, wait -- is there some trouble?

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Oh my god, something really bad must have happened. This woman looks very distraught.

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Yep, there he is. A backpacker down in the ravine.

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Hard to know whether he's even still alive. But at the very least, it looks like he's broken his arm.

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All of which gives us new appreciation for model-train enthusiasts, who aren't afraid to depict life's harsh realities while simultaneously suggesting metaphors for Union Station and, oh why the hell not, all of America this holiday season.

​If we can't all agree that Florida looks like a penis, then the divisions in this country are way too deep.

Teacher Ryan Haraughty was fired from from Mission Valley Middle School after drawing a map of the United States with a plump, penis-like Florida and making an off-hand remark about the state's level of excitement.

Go figure middle school students jumped on the juvenile humor. Haraughty told Fox 4 that he tried to blow it off.

"I drew Florida out of proportion," said Haraughty. "The kids jump all over stuff like that, 'Oh Mr. Haraughty, Florida is all wrong. OK, whatever, not thinking, I said, 'Florida got excited.' And right after, I'm thinking, you know, but I decided I'm not going to dwell on it."

The district axed him for the comment, saying he created a sexually hostile environment.

Haraughty's students aren't happy.

On Facebook, they have started the "Ryan Haraughty Appreciation Society of America." They've also started a petition to dump Mission Valley Middle School's principal, the Shawnee Mission Board of Education, superintendent and cabinet.

With only 56 signatures, I'm guessing that's not going to happen.

Haraughty says he'll appeal his firing.

Photo via Gag Swag.

www.peaceworkskc.org

Ann Suellentrop of Physicians for Social Responsibility

​Anti-nuke activists turned out to protest this morning's meeting of the Planned Industrial Expansion Authority, whose board voted unanimously to approve a development agreement to build a new weapons facility at Highway 150 and Botts Road. The National Nuclear Security Administration Campus will replace Honeywell's 60-year-old factory on Bannister Road, which manufactures 85 percent of the non-nuclear parts for nuclear weapons under a contract with the U.S. government.

During the public comments period, representatives from several peace organizations, including Physicians for Social Responsibility and PeaceWorks KC, voiced their disapproval. Ron Faust, a minister with the Disciples of Christ, read a poem he'd written. Then, Theodore "Priest" Hughes and Desmond "337" Jones, a pair of spoken-word artists who call themselves The Recipe, performed a piece called "Self-Destruction." I found a video of the duo performing the same piece at another event; try to imagine this happening in the stodgy context of a board meeting:  

If you missed Willie Aames' turn on VH1's Broke & Famous last night, clips are now online, including footage of Aames' Johnson County garage sale (see it below and read about it here and here). The show airs again today at 10 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. on VH1.

Also, if you need financial advice, who better to advise you than a guy who's squandered his fortune and is on the rebound, right?

Holy Name Catholic Church at 23rd and Benton Ave.

​If Kansas City kicked back on a shrink's couch for psychoanalysis, this church would definitely play a role in its most repressed, battle-scarred memories.

That's something I learned Tuesday night at a lecture by Dr. Jacob Wagner, a professor at UMKC who teaches Urban Planning and Design. In front of a diverse sprinkling of folks at the ScionLAB, Wagner discussed Kansas City's tendency to demolish important historical structures. He pressed us to consider the greater meaning behind which buildings are torn down, which buildings are saved, and what new structures are built in a city.

Wagner shared the history of the Holy Name Catholic Church building at 23rd Street and Benton Boulevard, which, miraculously, is still standing. I found the building's National Historic Register paperwork online, and it tells the same story:

Willie "Bibleman" Aames' new and humbling television show, Broke and Famous, airs on VH1 Thursday night, and according to Entertainment Tonight, the former Charles in Charge star's Johnson County garage sale -- filmed for the VH1 show in March -- will be featured on the show.


I was there with the Pitch Action News Team -- read about it here and here -- and it was really uncomfortable. Fawning housewives picked over the former Eight is Enough star's possessions and sang the Charles in Charge theme. Aames just sat there haggled over prices for mounted animal heads, DVDs and a Teen Beat, which the Crap Archivist bought for $3 (read all about the transaction in Studies in Crap and see Aames reminisce about touring with Hall & Oates after the jump). And here's the day in photos. 

I knew it was bad, but I didn't know how low Aames had sunk -- until Rugg asked to use the restroom.

​Our colleagues at our St. Louis sister paper, the Riverfront Times, need your help tracking down a Missouri woman who breastfeeds her cat.

See the picture.

Take it for what it's worth, but this comes from the Brit tab Closer's profile of Janine Hammond, who resides somewhere in the Show-Me State (and takes the state slogan too much to tit heart), and nurses her cat, Flash.

Another site excerpted the Closer story, and reports that the 25-year-old says:

"People will think I'm weird, but it's an amazing experience. Flash loves it, and feeds twice a day. Nobody should knock it until they've tried it.

"It's fantastic. His teeth and rough tongue skin tickle, but he's never once broken my skin."

You'll be happy to know that Ms. Hammond has reproduced. Her son, Kenny, isn't as fond as his mother's sweater puppets as Flash the cat.

"I hope Kenny and Flash will have a close bond. When Kenny is older I'll tell him and hope that he'll think it's cool."

Just great. Bet Kenny grows up without issues. 

If you know Hammond, feel free to drop the RFT a note (or us). A Brit researcher would like to talk to Hammond for a TV documentary. Oh, maybe don't mention this to Missouri child services.

Dallas at Joe's 63rd Street Barbershop

​Starting today, G. Dallas Lee, a barber's apprentice at Joe's 63rd Street Barbershop (1656 E. 63rd Street in the Metro Shopping Center) is offering discounted services to criminal offenders who are participating in re-entry programs, such as those offered by the Kansas City Crime Commission's Second Chance Foundation.

Lee is involved with Beyond the Conviction, an organization that offers services to recently released prisoners. Their efforts help to counter recidivism by acclimating offenders back into society. They figure that the sooner a former convict is able to secure a stable residence and a job, the less likely he or she is to re-offend, falling back into old habits and landing back in prison.

"Uncle" Ed Muscare

​"Uncle" Ed Muscare is back in jail. Midtown Miscreant points out a TV news report out of Florida that the former children's show host and registered sex offender violated his probation by using the Internet and also by moving to South Carolina without telling the sheriff's department. Definitely problematic for sex offenders.

"Uncle" Ed had been posting bizarre videos to YouTube, disappeared but returned this past July.

Muscare was arrested in 1986 for molesting a 14-year-old Florida boy. Since, he's reportedly had trouble registering as a sex offender in the past.

The report out of Tavares, Florida, says Muscare's arraignment is scheduled for today. The report says Muscare may claim that he's not posting the videos on the 'net, which Double M says is another instance of victimizer playing victim.

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Last week, when I glanced through a new proposal from Iggy Dybal, an atheist, real estate broker and a founder of the KC Freethinkers, I thought it was little more than a tongue-in-cheek mockery of Biblical prophesies.

"If you are a Christian who believes in The Rapture and has pets, please, take notice," Dybal wrote in his announcement. "A few atheists in Kansas City are starting a 'Rapture Pets' service to take care of pets when Rapture happens and righteous Christians are taken up in heaven and we atheists are left behind... So, if any of you are anticipating Rapture and you know you'll be taken up during this time, please, think about your animals who will suffer and may die a painful death of starvation, thirst and neglect while the Tribulation Times are happening."

This is no joke. Dybal is dead serious.

The neighborhood drama started with a simple crop of tomatoes.

Brooke Salvaggio

​In 2007, Brooke Salvaggio took over the 2.5 acres surrounding her grandparents' house on Bannister Road in southern Kansas City and turned it into Bad Seed Farm. This spring, with husband Dan Heryer adding his expertise to the urban operation, the organic farmers decided to expand their cornucopia, including a new planting of tomatoes in the front, side yard.

But the blushing fruit happened to be within view of a neighbor who didn't take kindly to the cultivation.

Phyllis Forbes, who owns the property next to the Bad Seed, complained to the neighborhood association about the allegedly unsightly development. Soon, Heryer and Salvaggio were in the crosshairs of city officials -- and urban farmers across the area were holding their breath.

Tonight could be the first step to making Kansas City far more friendly to local food producers.

After some complaints from groups such as the United Farm Workers, Target and Toys R Us have stopped selling this "illegal alien" costume.

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The United Farm Workers' Web site says:

The extra terrestrial creature perpetuates racism and discrimination in an already hostile environment and during a period of time when the debate on immigration reform is increasingly hateful and divisive.

Apparently Amazon doesn't see a problem with it; you can buy the costume -- if you want to take your chances on getting popped in the face -- for $68.95. (Walgreens is offering the same one for $39.99.) But that's not all. Amazon is also selling a "Sexy Border Patrol costume" ...

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and this illegal alien mask ...

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and this "Mexican costume" ...

​and this "Hey Amigo costume."

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Is this all just hyper-sensitive political correctness rum amok? Or are these truly offensive? Cast your vote now.

​I don't want to sound like Phill Kline, but check out the teen costume in the middle (click on the photo to make it larger). Saw it in a Party America ad in yesterday's Kansas City Star.

No daughter of mine would ever show up at her Johnson County junior high Halloween cotillion in fishnets and a short skirt. Am I being too much of a prude? Tell us.

​Kansans For Life doesn't want you to hand out fun-sized Snickers bars, candy corn or caramel apples this Halloween. Not that they're worried about child obesity. No, on this All Hallows' Eve they want you to spread the anti-abortion message by giving out "God is Good" coloring books and tattoos with messages like "life is precious," "pro-life," "celebrate life," "I love life" and "life." You get the point, pagans.

Kansans For Life aren't just giving them away. The tattoos cost $.08 and the coloring books go for a dime, but as KFL says: "That's almost cheaper than candy and sends a message that God loves each of us." Yes, almost.

A tip to those handing out the coloring books and tattoos. Don't stomp on the flaming bag on your doorstep. You'll regret it.

Photo by Nicole Reinertson

​A few minutes before 3 p.m., a limo pulled up on the west side of Mill Creek Park. Like any given Saturday afternoon, a wedding party piled out of the vehicle, brushing off their gowns and readjusting their ties before posing in front of J.C. Nichols fountain. But, on this particular day, the bride and groom stopped dead in their tracks.

Circling the famous fountain was an army of blood-covered zombies.

Rightfully undeterred by the dreary weather, more than 100 horror fans showed up to cruise the Plaza for the 2009 Zombie Walk. Dripping with gore and dressed in elaborate costumes, they staggered through the shopping district. Click here or the photo to see the zombies.

The world of the Juggalo is opaque and disturbing. We thought it was best to let the "family" members of the Insane Clown Posse speak for themselves. In the tradition of Heavy Metal Parking Lot, we present, Juggalo Sidewalk.

Rob Hutson and Terry Sanchez run Weird Stuff Antiques at 901 Tracy Ave. And that's a sweet '65 Caddy covered in fur.

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Last week, the Crap Archivist discovered Weird Stuff Antiques at 901 Tracy Ave. in downtown Kansas City. Weird Stuff's manager Rob Hutson and owner Terry Sanchez were cool enough to let us look around -- and snap some pics. They even offered us a free kitten. No thanks, guys. But if anyone needs one ... stop in.

Here's the treasures -- many of them oversized -- that we saw. Click here for a slideshow. 

Given their endangered future over at Shawnee Mission Park, it probably wasn't that surprising to see these four deer looking like refugees in Roanoke Park at dusk last night. They were hanging out just north of 37th and Wyoming.
​But they still seemed out of place. They took a break from grazing on low-lying leaves and stopped to stare at the undoubtedly unfamiliar sound of a skateboard rolling down the sidewalk across the street.
​Occasionally one would wander into the clearing.
​Eventually they took off. Maybe they were headed over to d'Bronx for a pizza.
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​Rarely does such a wonderful event come into our inbox that we must write about it right away. But this one blends a few things that have aged well: Michael Jackson's "Thriller," because it's an awesome piece of music, and zombies, because they are difficult to kill.

So set your calendar for October 24. About 200 local dancers and zombie-files will meet at the El Torreon Ballroom (3103 Gillham Plaza) and join thousands of other dancers from across the world (China and Pakistan in the house) for a synchronized "Thriller" dance.

This sucker will be so big, all dancers have a chance to be part of a Guinness World Record attempt.

The rhythm-challenged can attend one of nine area dance workshops prior to the event (see Thrill the World KC.com for details) and learn how to turn everyday clothes into zombie gear -- because zombie-wear is compulsory. The final crash course for dancers is from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. on the day of the event. Final dance practice, make-up application and registration will begin at 4 p.m.

The event includes other live entertainment and a silent auction that benefit the the Children's Place and the Bishop Sullivan Center. General admission is $5 for adults ($3 with two non-perishable food items), and $3 for kids (free with the food). Guaranteed seats are $20 and VIP status is $75.

Dancing starts at 7:30 p.m. with a countdown and then the music rolls. The dance itself takes only 5 minutes and ends with that creepy madman's laugh. It looks rather like this:

John and Esther McMurry

​Last night, Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser hosted a celebration of a few things all from the same era: the Dairy Queen on Independence Avenue, which has been there forever; John and Esther McMurry, who run the place together; and the beehive hairdo, which the Mrs. sports something fierce.

Just look at that thing. You could hide a full rack of billiard balls in there.

As Pitch food critic Charles Ferruzza wrote over in Fat City on Monday, The McMurrys have owned and operated the Dairy Queen for 29 years as the neighborhood changed around them. That's why the Funk proclaimed them good people --business people -- and stood around the parking lot eating hand-dipped Dilly Bars and rubbing elbows with neighborhood personalities. Amy Ford was there.

Esther started working at the DQ as a counter girl 13 years before she and John bought the place. As with the beehive, when this woman finds something she likes, she sticks with it.

Funk's Footballers flamed out in week two with a 65-51 loss to the Orlando Scorchers in ahoo! Sports Mayoral Face-Off Fantasy Football League. Funk is challenging big-city mayors from across the country with a $15,000 prize on the line, which Funk would give to the Police Athletic League.

Outside of a good game from Atlanta wide receiver Roddy White, every player on Funk's team underachieved. The Scorchers were led by the Arizona Cardinals defense, which scored 19 points.

Funk really needs to find another wide receiver. He started Minnesota's Sidney Green in week two. Funk is in the two percent of team's starting Green.

Funk also had a game changing running back sitting on his bench: the Baltimore Ravens' Willis McGahee, who rushed for 79 yards and two touchdowns. McGahee was worth 20 points on the week.

Instead of McGahee, Funk started the Philadelphia Eagles' Brian Westbrook (52 yards rushing and 14 yards receiving) and the Washington Redskins' Clinton Portis (79 yards rushing and nine yards receiving). Westbrook and Portis combined for only 13 fantasy points.

Funk's Footballers' 1-1 record on the season and 146 dropped the team to eighth place. Last week, Funk's team won a big game against the Tampa Con Leches.

Next week, Funk takes on the fourth place Pittsburgh Proud.

Eddie Whiters

The Wichita Eagle updated the story about a couple on a good ol' fashioned Wichita Dumpster date getting robbed at knife-point.

A couple of 44-year-olds were sexing in a Dumpster near the Four Aces Smoke and Liquor store when they were robbed by a couple of knife-wielding thieves a couple of weeks ago. Turns out the woman was familiar with one of the robbers.

David, man who works at Four Aces, broke it down for the Eagle:

A man David described as "a regular customer" had been flirting with a 44-year-old woman all day Saturday. But she persistently rebuffed his advances.

When he saw her cozying up to another man and then leave with him, the guy "got jealous," David said. "I guess he didn't get the attention he wanted."

Marvin Moore

The robbers stole "the man's identification card, a plastic pouch, cash -- and his black-and-white Converse tennis shoes."

Oh, c'mon. You don't steal a man's Chuck Taylors.

The Eagle says the jilted man is 64-year-old "Fast" Eddie Whiters (he really is known as "Fast Eddie" at the Four Aces). His partner was allegedly 59-year-old Marvin Moore. They're charged with aggravated robbery of a tender moment.

Via Crime Scene KC.

The goal of Apartment Therapy is "to connect people to the resources they need to improve their homes, while reducing their reliance on stuff."

Off-the-grid home in KC's urban core

​Last week, the online design gurus connected their readers to a resource straight out of the University of Kansas: Studio 804.

Apparently, while scouring the nation for admirable home décor and architectural ideas, the Apartment Therapy crew discovered the sleek, eco-home at 3716 Springfield in Kansas City, Kansas. The dwelling was created, from conception to construction, by students in Studio 804, a design/build program at KU that focuses on sustainability ... and style.

The urban-core home home epitomizes Apartment Therapy's motto: "Simplicity and luxury are not mutually exclusive." No wonder it's sitting squarely among the site's top virtual House Tours. And Kansas Citians have extra incentive to drool at the slideshow: This beauty is still on the market. 

​Jamie Gray, an assistant professor in the Graphic Design Department at the Kansas City Art Institute, is living right -- or with a lot of sexy right angles, anyway. The River Market loft she shares with her husband gets the 13-photo treatment in a September 14 post on the trend-spotting, envy-inducing Web site Design*Sponge. With its glossy surfaces, sharp corners and subtle curves -- not to mention the abstract art and the posters from Poland (how do you say cowboy in Polish?) -- the place looks exactly the way you'd hope a graphic-design expert's home would.

The best part (for anyone not living in the apartment, that is): Gray's explanation of her interior design includes some local shouts out. Retro Inferno! (Office chairs.) Interstate 70! (The hanging tumbleweed, taken right off the side of the highway.)

The effort and expense are obvious, but before you go road-tripping to an Ikea or raiding your savings, heed Gray's offhand explanation of the orderly little assemblage in her living room: "The Tendo Mokko rocker and teak nesting tables are a few of our many eBay finds." Good advice. And it leaves room in your trunk for tumbleweeds.

(photo from Design*Sponge)

​I've heard of Dumpster babies but never Dumpster lovin'.

Reports out of Wichita say a couple of 44-year-olds sneaked into a Dumpster Saturday evening for an "intimate moment" until a couple of cock-blockin' thieves cut in and robbed them of their shoes, jewelry and the man's wallet at knife-point.

Cops caught the suspects and returned all the property -- except the couple's dignity.

In other odd news around Kansas, someone is leaving baggies of blow near the homes of law enforcement officers in Yancy Center. Winners of the cocaine scavenger hunt should resist snorting the nose candy (so we're told).

Also, Crime Scene KC says to be on the look out for a "large white female" wearing nothing but a g-string and riding a motorcycle in Topeka.

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Not a lot to complain about after Mayor Mark Funkhouser's first week of fantasy football. Funk's Footballers defeated the Tampa Con Leches 95-85, putting Funk's team in a tie for third place.

Funk is going head-to-head with big-city mayors from across the country in the Yahoo! Sports Mayoral Face-Off Fantasy Football League. His charity of choice, should he win the $15,000 prize, is the Police Athletic League.

Funk's Footballers were spurred by big games from Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo (353 yards passing and three touchdowns), Philadelphia Eagles running back Brian Westbrook (64 yards rushing and a touchdown catch) and the Tennessee Titans' defense. Even Kansas City Chiefs kicker and sleeper pick Ryan Succop came through with a 53-yard field goal.

In week 2, Funk's Footballers will take on the Orlando Scorchers -- a team that defeated Results Minneapolis last week behind Tom Brady, Reggie Wayne and Maurice Jones-Drew.

General manager Gloria Squitiro better study up because Orlando looks to be one of the most solid teams in the league.