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By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

An NBA team just might someday call Kansas City home. After all, we are one of the largest media markets without a major winter sport, and we recently built the Sprint Center, a downtown arena containing amenities that Kemper Arena lacked (also, the Sprint Center isn't haunted).

However, there is one problem: We do not deserve a professional basketball team.

After the NBA draft, Kansas City fans treat a former college star's existence as if that player entered a witness protection program. Royals' rain delay coverage on FSN (a/k/a "The Best Damn NASCAR Crashes") draws higher ratings than the NBA's playoffs, the only part of the NBA season that anyone ever admits to watching.

As a public service, here's an overview of the teams remaining in the NBA playoffs and why Big 12 fans should care:

The Boston Celtics and Cleveland Cavaliers play in the first Eastern Conference series. The Celtics, led by former Jayhawk Paul Pierce, proving that he has blossomed after the stifling influence of Roy Williams and Jeff Boschee.

Elsewhere in the Eastern Conference, the former champs Detroit Pistons are formidable and face the Orlando Magic, who has Keyon Dooling on their roster, a reminder that Missouri once fielded a competitive basketball team.

In the West, the Los Angeles Lakers finally have surrounded Kobe Bryant with a championship-caliber roster. Texas' Chris Mihm sits on the Laker bench where he checks out women who also don't ever appear in a playoff game. They face the Utah Jazz, a team facing immediate elimination if there is a conspiracy to boost the NBA's television ratings.

In the other Western Conference matchup, the defending champion San Antonio Spurs have won four championships in an almost anonymous fashion. Former KU star Jacque Vaughn plays for the Spurs, where he continues to refuse to shoot open jumpers. They face the New Orleans Hornets, who are led by point guard Chris Paul. KU's Julian Wright, who opted to play for a NBA championship for millions of dollars instead of a NCAA championship for no pay. Some in Lawrence think he regrets that decision.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

After decades of progressive futility, Royals fans long ago gave up on the present. Instead, some look longingly at memories of successful Royals seasons, while others look to the farm system for a distant utopia where Deyton Moore makes the Royals successful again.

Me? I prefer alternate reality. In an effort to determine whether the Royals will appear in the playoffs, I have played a simulation of the next five years using the computer game Baseball Mogul 2009 to determine whether the Royals will appear in the playoffs.

Here are the results:

2008: 77-85. Hitting .235, Jose Guillen fails to live up to his massive contract. But unlike Emil Brown, he doesn't shoot a local television personality with a gun. The Philadelphia Phillies defeat the Cleveland Indians in five games, becoming the first World Series champions in history to be booed during their victory parade.

2009: 79-83. Alex Gordon finally breaks through with a big season, collecting 107 runs batted in, just in time for his salary arbitration hearings. Tampa Bay defeats Philadelphia 4-1 in the World Series, celebrating in front of a half-empty crowd in a poorly lit domed stadium.

2010: 93-69. The Royals lose Zach Greinke to the Washington Nationals in free agency but remain competitive throughout the year, failing by one game to gain the AL Central crown. The Yankees fail to make the post-season again, prompting the firing of Brian Cashman, Joe Girardi and, for old time's sake, the corpse of Billy Martin.

2011: 66-96. Alex Gordon signs with the Braves in the off-season after driving in 128 runs batted in for the Royals. Behind Gordon, the Braves defeat the resurgent Yankees in five games in the Series. David Glass defends not re-signing Gordon, saying that the Royals provide "Always Low Prices. ALWAYS!"

2012: 48-114. Royals finish with worst mark in their history, as David Glass readies to move the franchise to Bentonville, Arkansas, to reduce travel costs. The Yankees defeat the Dodgers in a thrilling World Series, leading to a ticker-tape parade in Manhattan in which the crowd cheers new manager Derek Jeter and wife Miley Cyrus.

Also that year, Barry Bonds is inducted into the Hall of Fame, becoming the first player in history to give his induction speech via close-captioned television from a minimum-security prison.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

The Dodgers know general admission. So why don't the Royals?

Something other than the Royals offense was missing during KC’s 4-1 loss to Baltimore. I sat in the “Outfield Reserve” seats, the area formerly known as Left Field General Admission. The crowd was passive to the point of indifference, and it added to the dull, non-descript nature of the game itself.

Then it hit me: for all the talk of the return of the powder blue uniforms, why not bring back General Admission?

I sat in General Admission for some of the more memorable regular season games in Royals history. I was there when Willie Wilson helped clinch the AL West crown in 1985 with a game-winning single. And I witnessed an 18-inning game that began with Nolan Ryan and Bret Saberhagen and ended with GA fans suffering from sunburn and the effects of alcohol withdrawal.

When the Royals were successful (and even when they were not), the people seated in General Admission were, after several adult beverages, as entertaining as the game itself. Were they drunk and rowdy? Yes. Did the area resemble the bar in Star Wars on occasion? Absolutely.

Han would've sat in general admission.

Nevertheless, there was a camaraderie that existed in GA that is noticeably absent from Royals crowds in recent seasons. Fans cared about the team, in part because they saw each other every day or amused each other with their antics.

Most of all, sitting in General Admission was fun, something sorely missing from the current Royals experience.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

To follow the translucent Chiefs organization, it is necessary to ascribe meaning to small signals, much as a Kremlinologist would analyze the seating charts at a Politburo meeting.

So when Adam Schefter's article on NFL.com suggests Tyler Thigpen may push Brodie Croyle for playing time (hat tip to the House of Georges blog), I can only offer two explanations of the motivation behind Chiefs president Carl Peterson and coach Herm Edwards:

a) They want to give a message to Croyle that his job is not secure so he will work hard in the off-season

b) They are assuring Croyle will start, as Tyler Thigpen is his only competition

So let's look at the participants in what shapes up as the lamest Chiefs quarterback battle since Todd Blackledge and Steve Fuller battled for playing time in the mid-80s.

Brodie Croyle starred at the University of Alabama, where he met his wife Kelli. A former Junior Miss winner, Kelli became an Internet sensation after displaying the poise and, um, physical attributes that Croyle frequently lacked in the pocket last year. Brodie landed Kelli with his sophistication, as evidenced bythis quote uttered on HBO's Hard Knocks documentary last year: "Camp should be a breeze after going through all the marriage stuff. Stressful time for the women folk."

Croyle was nicknamed "Blu-Ray" last yearby Priest Holmes for his laserlike arm, not for the additional speed he processes information. He looked lost and confused last year as a starter, compiling a 0-6 mark in 2007.

Tyler Thigpen starred at Coastal Carolina, whose mascot is a Chanticleer. A Chanticleer is a rooster that is a prominent character in a section of The Cantebury Tales as well the 1992 animated movie "Rock-A-Doodle" starring Glen Campbell and Charles Nelson Reilly. The chanticleer eludes a fox's capture in both stories, a relevant story for one protected by the Chiefs' porous offensive line.

According to Schefter's article, the performance in which Thigpen impressed Chiefs officials was a drive against the Chargers last season in which he completed two of six passes and ended in an interception in the endzone.

So expectations are low.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Trey Hillman gave the night off to two players last night.

1. Tony Peña Jr.

Stated reason for night off: in slump.

Possible alternative reason for night off: cannot hit, which is a good thing to do if you're a major-league position player.

2. Jose Guillen.

Stated reason for night off: some rest, as he is frustrated and pressing, according to Royals manager Trey Hillman.

Possible alternative reason for night off: apparently has given up the pretense of "trying hard." Guillen is getting booed at the stadium and is being killed on local radio due to his horrific start, his sizable contract and his alleged past use of performance-enhancing drugs.

And now he takes a night off against a team that he openly holds in contempt.

Guillen has an interesting history. He is on his ninth team in 11 years. After Angels manager Mike Scoscia suspended him during the 2004 playoff run, he called Scoscia a "piece of garbage." With the Nationals, he reportedly had heated exchanges with teammates Brad Wilkerson, Brian Schneider and Esteban Loaiza. Similar incidents have reportedly occurred in his previous stops at Cincinatti, Pittsburgh and Oakland.

So here's Guillen's tally so far: Thirty-six million dollars. Three years. Terrible start. One large temper.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

The Royals have a new strategy in 2008: prayer, and not just when assembling the roster.

Both manager Trey Hillman and General Manager Dayton Moore appeared at the Midwest Baptist Theological Seminary Monday, speaking with humility concerning God's presence in their life.

At no point did they suggest that God cares about whether the Royals win. (Although the Bible passage cited by Hillman, "the greatest among you must be last," would have been a dandy radio jingle for last year's team). Hillman did state that he doubted that he would receive a job in baseball until praying to God and eventually receiving a minor league job from the Cleveland Indians in 1985. This proves, I suppose, that not only that God answers prayers but He has a terrific sense of irony.

Of course, some in professional sports claim to know God's will with even more specificity. Before the Colorado Rockies made their improbable run through last year's baseball post-season, their GM Dan O'Dowd stated that "God has definitely had a hand in this." While some theologians believe God has significantly better things to do than monitor an Angels-Royals game, I suppose it is also possible that when I watch a game that God is playing a very elaborate version of Strat-O-Matic Baseball.

So if He does care about baseball, how long must He make Royals fans suffer? What precisely did we do in 1985 to make Him forsake us?

Look at the cities He provides with World Series championships. Los Angeles? New York? Not exactly places of virtue. Miami? South Beach on a Tuesday night makes Sodom and Gomorrah look like Sunday School. Arizona? Why do they need a World Series? They already live in Arizona. Even Philadelphia makes playoff appearances and if God was announced by the PA announcer there, He would be booed unmercifully and met with a fusillade of batteries.

But us? The God-fearing denizens of Kansas City?

We are baseball's version of Job, endlessly tested by Him.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Sure, mainstream journalists might remark amongst themselves about whether new Chiefs fullback Mike Cox has the size to compete in the NFL, whether Mike Cox will be a member of the squad, whether Mike Cox requires performance-enhancing drugs, whether it would be painful to cut Mike Cox, or whether Mike Cox can finally fill the void left by Tony Richardson’s departure. Those jokes may never appear in print, in part because they do not want to explain to their parents that juvenile witticisms about the male anatomy are a product of an expensive journalism degree.

Not me, though. This blogger has no shame.

Our crack staff of Pitch researchers scoured the microfiche archives (ok, I looked up potentially dirty names in the Baseball Encyclopedia, as a tittering 11-year-old would look for dirty words in the school library’s dictionary) to find other unfortunate names in Kansas City sports history. Enjoy.

1. Pete LaCock, former Royals first baseman. LaCock, who's name resembles the title of an imported skin flick, was the starting first baseman for the Royals in the late '70s. Eventually, Willie Aikens replaced LaCock after the Royals determined that LaCock’s was too impotent at the plate.

2. Rusty Kuntz, first base coach for the Royals: Kuntz appeared on the 1984 World Champion Detroit Tigers squad, a highlight of his seven-year career. As Wikipedia points out, his name is pronounced with an "oo" sound and not the same as the obscene name for the female anatomy. Proving once again that Wikipedia is edited by killjoys.

3. Dick Curl, current quarterback coach for the Chiefs: Curl is a longtime coaching confidant of Herm Edwards, while Peyronie’s disease is a serious condition that can make intercourse either painful or impossible. Neither is to be mocked. Ever.

4. Woody Held, former outfielder for the 1957 and 1958 KC A’s and not a reference to one’s first experience at summer camp.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

The simplest way for a team to draw attention is to win games. Today, the 1-7 Brigade appear to be relying on a different strategy: appealing to nostalgic fantasy football players by announcing the signing of quarterback Quincy Carter. In his career, Carter displays the vocational stability of a migrant farm worker, released by four separate teams as a result of substance abuse issue.

While everyone deserves a second (or, in Carter's case, fifth) chance, what’s the logic in signing the former Dallas Cowboy and Georgia Bulldog quarterback? After all, Carter last played professional football in 2007 for the Bossier-Shreveport Battle Wings of the "af2" -- the minor leagues of the Arena Football League and not a symbol in the periodic table. The Brigade's press release itself hints that Carter is risky, even attempting to use Chiefs head coach Herm Edwards as a character witness, who coached him three years, three leagues and two arrests ago.

The Brigade announced that head coach Kevin Porter will "closely monitor" Carter during the season, begging the question whether Porter will be also compensated for his time as Carter's parole officer.

More on Carter:

* After high school, he surprised many by rejecting a football scholarship offer from Georgia Tech, playing as a minor league outfielder for the Cubs organization instead. Carter explained: “In football you have to practice every day and sometimes you can get by by just going through the motions, whereas in baseball you have to work hard and concentrate each and every day.” After discovering that concentrating completely blows, Carter later opted to go through the motions as the starting quarterback at the University of Georgia.

* After leading the Cowboys to their first playoff appearance since Troy Aikman’s departure, Dallas cut Carter before the next season under suspicious circumstances, prompting some to report he tested positive for cocaine. This saved a roster spot for Tony Romo, providing a grateful nation an opportunity to view Jessica Simpson in a garish Cowboy jersey rooting for her dreamy boyfriend.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

In the American League, teams have nine players paid to hit major league pitching. The Royals, by starting Tony Peña Jr., neglect this by using eight. Before this appears as hyperbole, consider:

Peña in '08:

.141 batting average

.162 on base percentage

.183 slugging percentage

NL Pitchers in '08:

.141 batting average

.177 on base percentage

.180 slugging percentage

It’s clear Peña can't hit. Even if he hit for a high average, his plate discipline is awful and he has minimal power. For every astonishing defensive play, like the one Saturday, there have been errors at critical times -- one Sunday, one in Oakland the previous weekend. P.S., he is a god-awful bunter.

So what's the solution? The obvious one is Alberto Callaspo, who is an above average hitter and can hold his own at defense. But here's how bad Peña is: If Callaspo injured himself, the Royals would achieve greater production from Ángel Berroa. Berroa is hitting .291 with power in Omaha after a good 2007 season there. He averaged a .263 average with a .384 slugging percentage in his unhappy tenure in KC, which far exceeds how Peña is performing now or how Peña could ever manage.

So it has actually come to this: longing for Ángel Berroa. I even have an informal slogan if this occurs:

Indifference, Not Incompetence. Berroa for Shortstop.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Four thoughts on the draft the day after the Chiefs showed off 650 pounds of their future:

1. Nobody Has a Clue About the NFL Draft, But Everyone Will Voice Their Opinion Anyway

Self-esteem and hygiene remain unselected.

Until recently, the most annoying sports fan possible was one who referenced his fantasy football team. Now? It’s the draft geeks. These people perform their own NFL mock drafts, which is sort of like fantasy football for people without friends. At the water cooler, they will opine how "it was a reach" for the Chiefs to draft tight end Brad Cottam in the third round or that Brian Johnston is a "project with tremendous upside despite playing at a small college." Chances are, none of these people has seen any of these players play in college, let alone break down the game film.

No one knows. Hell, the draft experts and even the people making the selections, most of whom were absolutely certain that Ryan Sims was going to be a dominant defensive force, don't know.

2. Everyone Has Potential. Most Don't Utilize It

Ultimately, during the draft we are making blind guesses concerning the maturity of 23-year-old males provided millions of dollars and unlimited fame. Chances are, many of those selected will not fulfill their promise because of:

(a) the pursuit of hedonism

(b) complete indifference

(c) bad luck.

Hey, everyone thinks Glenn Dorsey could be a starter for a decade. He also could fracture his tibia, requiring Carl Peterson to put him down like Barbaro.

3. The Best Possible Thing to Have Happened to the Chiefs Was Larry Johnson Getting Hurt Last Year

WHB 810's Soren Petro made this point last week: What if Larry Johnson hadn't missed half of last season? Rather than 4-12, maybe the Chiefs would have been 7-9, with a few close victories. Then they would have persuaded themselves — again — that they were just a few additions away. Jared Allen would still be on the team, and we would be drafting in the middle of the first round, again making modest changes when a sledgehammer is more desirable.

The Chiefs needed to hit bottom hard. We weren't a tweak away from a championship. The injuries last year provided an opportunity for everyone, including Carl and, yes, Chiefs fans to see how far away from contention we really were.

4. Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards Have More Job Security Than Fans Suspect or Want

Carl Peterson is in the midst of the longest five-year plan since the existence of the U.S.S.R. Chief fans, along with the media, have completely turned on him. He is deeply unpopular with the team's fan base, blamed for everything from draft busts during the Clinton administration to long lines at the concession stands.

Despite this, both he and Herm Edwards have free rein to rebuild this team until 2010, when the stadium renovations are completed. It is only someone completely secure in their job who would take the step of trading Jared Allen for draft picks, despite the near certainty that it will make the 2009 Chiefs uncompetitive. The Chiefs aren't aggressively seeking a QB to replace Brody Croyle, the first thing a team seeking a playoff spot would do.

They are completely safe, providing two years of fodder for Jason Whitlock and talk-radio hosts.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Chiefs NFL Draft Recap: Carl Peterson Has Good Day, Renders KC Media Baffled And Confused

Yay. The Chiefs did a good job on Saturday and Sunday in The Most Critical Draft In Franchise History Until Next Year. ESPN's Bill Williamson describes the selection of Dorsey as the best move made by an AFC West team in the draft. John Clayton extolled the Chiefs as the biggest winner of the draft. Fox Sports' John Czarnecki gave the Chiefs an A-plus. When Jason Whitlock is praising Carl's draft, albeit suggesting that the Chiefs will go 0-16 anyway, it has been a good day for Carl Peterson.

The Chiefs picked up everything they wanted: a potentially game-changing defensive force to replace Jared Allen, the offensive lineman they craved, a corner who fits in Herm Edwards' cover-two defensive scheme and a number of projects that may well make a huge difference when the Chiefs become competitive again.

What's not to like? The fact that we are even in the position to have a good draft means that we stunk last year and probably will next season.

So, let's meet the new Chiefs:

First round, fifth pick: Despite his 6-foot-2-inch and 303-pound frame, Glenn Dorsey is extraordinarily agile and quick, a feat Dom Deluise never managed in his acting career. A motivational speaker in the off-season, Dorsey is described by the San Francisco Chronicle as "bubbly." In short, he’s a cross between Tony Robbins, Katie Couric and Warren Sapp. NFL.com, in its continued effort to provide the most anal-retentive and homoerotic of draft previews, disapproves of his muscle tone, although they stop short of calling him sloppy.

First round, 15th pick: Braden Albert, at 6-foot-6-inches and 309 pounds, offers more proof that obesity has its upside. Displaying either a lack of ambition or incredibly poor taste, Albert selected Shaquille O'Neal as the celebrity he'd like to portray him in a movie.

Second round, fourth pick: If corner back Brandon Flowers finished his 40-yard dash just .14 seconds faster, he would be a first round selection and guaranteed millions of dollars more than he is now. So think about that next time you think your performance review stresses trivial aspects of your job.

Third round, 10th pick: The Chiefs took Jamaal Charles as insurance if Larry Johnson suffers an injury or finally makes it big with his rap music career. Presumed lack of strength dropped him to the third round, as did his shoddy spelling in the NFL Draft Q&As.

Third round, 13th pick: Brad Cottam started only 10 games at Tennesee, which is an appropriate background for someone who will be backing up Tony Gonzalez at tight end in 2008 and 2009. thinks he can "hold his own" on American Gladiators, which would come in handy of the Chiefs offense had plays featuring jousting.

Third round, 19th pick: DaJuan Morgan, a safety from North Carolina State, showed bravery off the field, admitting that he enjoys the Backstreet Boys. His dance moves are better, though, as this video documents:

Fourth round, sixth pick: Will Franklin, the wide receiver from Missouri, will have minimal moving expenses.

Fifth round, sixth pick: Brandon Carr, a corner back from Grand Valley State is a terrific athlete from small school. He’s a project with big upside, which is exactly how I describe myself to potential dates.

Sixth round, fourth pick: According to NFL.com, tackle Barry Richardson lacks passion for the game, which might be a bit of a problem if he chooses football as a profession.

Sixth round, 16th pick: Kevin Robinson, a phenomenal return man at Utah State, lists his favorite NFL player as Desmond Howard, which comes as a definite warning sign for Chiefs fans who actually watched Desmond Howard play.

Seventh round, third pick: NFL.com confuses defensive end Brian Johnston with a entrant for America's Next Top Model, praising his "adequate" muscle tone but warning that he has a "soft midsection." Also, NFL.com points out that he has "the ability to get even bigger," which is certainly true of those who will watch him.

Seventh round, 32nd pick: Mike Merritt is a blocking tight end, which is like playing offensive line with more cardiovascular exercise. He appears to be a mysterious enigma who avoids any contact with cameras, according to this draft profile.

To sum up, the Chiefs drafted two powerful linemen who might play for a decade, as well as a needed corner. They also drafted special teams players. And before one scoffs at the importance special teams: Brody Croyle still leads the Chiefs offense, so we will be using our punt coverage team on numerous occasions this season.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Countdown to Old Guys Reading Names to Other Old Guys, Part III: Chiefs Seek Rebound Relationship With Trophy Defensive End

The Chiefs' relationship with Jared Allen ultimately became irreconcilable due to constant arguments over finances. As with anyone who marries a divorcée, Allen's replacement faces a daunting task of attempting to build a healthy relationship while his partner still is struggling with memories from their past relationship.

Wikianswers suggests that the Chiefs wait a year or two before rushing into another long-term relationship, but the Chiefs might just rush into a rebound relationship anyway. Everyone's been suggesting the Chiefs take Chris Long at No. 5, so let's focus on the defensive end from Virginia.

Like Allen, Long is a high-energy pass rusher, recording 14 sacks in his senior year and earning the Atlantic Coast Conference Defensive Player of the Year. He is, in fact, so good that Bill Parcells would have selected him if Chris Long rejected the Dolphins' contract offer earlier this week. Sports Illustrated's Peter King praises Long for using the words "malleable," "tangible," "pigeon-holed" and "debilitating" in an interview, proving Long has an above-average vocabulary for a defensive lineman and that King has very low expectations when interviewing athletes.

As the son of defensive end Howie Long, Chris had to overcome childhood trauma: frequent visit from daddy's incredibly creepy co-worker Uncle Terry and watching dad establish an unusual chemistry with "Pretend Mommy" Teri Hatcher in advertisements for Radio Shack.

Royals Drop Seven In A Row, Two In One Day

Wow. Tonight combined frustration and sleep deprivation. In the first game, Brett Tomko allowed seven runs by the third inning and the Royals lost 9-6. Billy Butler continued his streak, reaching base in his 21st game. He has been thrown out on the base paths in half of them. Friends and family remained to watch the second game, as the cerebral Brian Bannister and his wily mathematical ways were unable to prevent a shutout by the Tribe's Cliff Lee.

Salvaging a long, depressing evening was Frank White's debut performance as a FSN baseball analyst. So I guess we've got that going for us.

Tony Peña Ineptitude Watch: Peña in 08': .136 batting average, .150 slugging percentage, .148 on base percentage. NL Pitchers in 08': .132 batting average, .170 slugging percentage, .171 on base percentage.

Days Billy Butler Has Played The Field Since Last Accident 4

Danica Patrick, Anonymous Foreigners Continue Battle of Sexes In Kansas

IRL arrives at Kansas Speedway this weekend. Last week, Danica Patrick recorded the first win ever by a woman in Indy racing at the Indy Japan 300, perhaps the only time a victory for gender equity has ever been recorded in Japan. So come to the Kansas Speedway for the left turns, stay for the history.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Merciful God Briefly Halts Royals Losing Streak

Royals Bye! Royals Bye! Royals Bye! Yesterday, no Royals pitcher was knocked out in the fifth inning, Teahen didn't turn the wrong way on a line drive to left, Gathright wasn't get caught stealing at third and no one walks a batter to face Tony Peña.

Bad news: Today's double-header.

Tony Peña Jr. Ineptitude Watch

Peña in 08': remains at .132 batting average, .145 on-base percentage, .151 slugging percentage. NL Pitchers in 08': .128 batting average, .166 on-base percentage, .163 slugging percentage.

Countdown to Old Guys Reading Names to Other Old Guys: An NFL Draft Preview. Part II: Please, For the Love Of God, No More Brody Croyle

On Tuesday, the Star focused on the quarterbacks available in this year's draft, until recently a quaint irrelevance in Kansas City. The Chiefs used to never start quarterbacks they (presumably by accident) selected in the draft, opting for veterans from elsewhere who "knew the system." "Knowing the system," we learned, did not include time management during a playoff game.

So let's look at the best quarterback in this year's crop: Matt Ryan of Boston College. Ryan is someone to root for, despite having some unsavory fans with massive heads.

Ryan is absurdly resilient; he survived a car injury that left him with a broken leg, returned to play in a high-school game after being hit so hard by a defender that his helmet flew off his head and played half a season in college with a broken foot.

In short, he is impossible to kill, much like the Terminator. Unlike the man who played opposite to Linda Hamilton, Ryan is quite clever, scoring an impressive score on the NFL's Wonderlic test. To put that in perspective, Ryan scored better on that test than the average newswriter, particularly those who write for Fox's Neil Cavuto.

What's not to like? Average arm strength and inconsistent accuracy. Also, he's compared to Matt Hasselbeck, raising the specter that a relative of Ryan might inflict herself on American daytime television in the future.

Headline of Day: "One potential plan to draft a better Chiefs squad." What are the others? Carl Peterson relying on the pity of other teams?

Allen to Minnesota for Draft Class to be Named Later

Whoa. That was quick. The Vikings already have a picture of him making a sack in the NFL. Posnaski writes up the implications for the Chiefs in the upcoming draft and relays a great anecdote concerning a Chiefs official's disenchantment regarding Allen's fourth-quarter play. If you are fan disenchanted with Carl Peterson, consider wearing this at home games as a silent protest.

Chalmers Tests NBA Draft. Missouri Tiger Imitates Him in Cute, Precious Fashion

Mario Chalmers entered his name in NBA draft, as does this guy. Having his team finish 10th in the Big 12, he had nothing left to prove in college and needed to go to the next level to test his skills.

By CHRIS RASMUSSEN

Countdown to Old Guys Reading Names to Other Old Guys: An NFL Draft Preview:

Sports Illustrated's Don Banks believes the Chiefs may select Boise State offensive lineman Ryan Clady, with fellow SI'er Peter King concurring that Clady might just be the Chiefs pick.

So with the Time Warner empire touting his selection, let's take a closer look at Ryan Clady, better known as the "consolation prize of left tackles."

NFL.com writes a particularly steamy scouting report, citing Clady's "developing muscle tone" and his ability "to get in the defender's jersey and lock on." They are also excited about Clady's patience and call him "smooth in his movements." Later, the scouts praise his ability to "sink his hips in order to consistently lock on and ride his man wide." When Clady's done, he apparently "fires off quickly, making good body adjustments."

They also describe him at the end as "a little light in the pants," which we can all agree is a bit cruel.

Jared Allen to Minnesota, Foodies Mourn

With the defensive end traded to Minnesota, Kansas Citians are in mourning. Allen's departure threatens not just the Chiefs' 2008 season, but also could bring to an end to an era in Kansas City culinary history. The Jared Allen Sports Arena and Bar could be at risk, ending a monthlong paradigm shift in Kansas City dining.

Where else in Kansas City provides the subtle understatement of Allen's place, whose motto is "Wine Em, Dine Em, #69 Em." Where else in Kansas City may one watch a game on television while eating and drinking?

And the draft watch party at Jared Allen's? Wow. Awkward.

Kaufmann Stadium: The House That Built C.C. Sabathia's Summer House

Blech.

Indian starter and aspiring sumo wrestler C.C. Sabathia entered tonight's game 0-3 with a 13.02 ERA, with some suggesting that Sabathia might have a disastrous 2008, costing him millions. Tonight against the anemic Royals: six shutout innings and his first win of the season, possibly turning his season around. His agent should at least send a thank you card.

Tony Pena Jr. Impotence Watch: Tony Pena's 2008: .132 batting average, .145 on-base percentage, .151 slugging percentage. NL pitchers in 2008: .123 batting average, .161 on-base percentage, .155 slugging average.