By PETER RUGG
Glass
Fox blamed owner David Glass, who they say blames the team’s failures on the restrictions of a small market, then assembles a team of untested or fading players. Read the evaluation here.
By CHRIS RASMUSSEN
Trey Hillman gave the night off to two players last night.
1. Tony Peña Jr.
Stated reason for night off: in slump.
Possible alternative reason for night off: cannot hit, which is a good thing to do if you're a major-league position player.
2. Jose Guillen.
Stated reason for night off: some rest, as he is frustrated and pressing, according to Royals manager Trey Hillman.
Possible alternative reason for night off: apparently has given up the pretense of "trying hard." Guillen is getting booed at the stadium and is being killed on local radio due to his horrific start, his sizable contract and his alleged past use of performance-enhancing drugs.
And now he takes a night off against a team that he openly holds in contempt.
Guillen has an interesting history. He is on his ninth team in 11 years. After Angels manager Mike Scoscia suspended him during the 2004 playoff run, he called Scoscia a "piece of garbage." With the Nationals, he reportedly had heated exchanges with teammates Brad Wilkerson, Brian Schneider and Esteban Loaiza. Similar incidents have reportedly occurred in his previous stops at Cincinatti, Pittsburgh and Oakland.
So here's Guillen's tally so far: Thirty-six million dollars. Three years. Terrible start. One large temper.
By ERIC BARTON
It seemed strange this morning to read Jason Whitlock complain in this column about how the editors of Playboy screwed up a story he'd written for the magazine by writing a headline that he didn't like. The Kansas City Star's sports columnist claimed that the headline — “Jason Whitlock, The Black KKK” — didn't reflect the freelance story he'd written for Playboy.
What seemed odd was to be reading his complaint in the Star. Why would the paper's editors allow one of their writers to use his column to complain about the editing of a piece he wrote on the side? It's like complaining to your boss at your day job about that prick you work for at night.
I left voice mails for the Star's Holly Lawton, sports editor, and Mike Fannin, managing editor for sports and features. I didn't immediately hear back, but if I do, I'll post the response here.
Napolitano
"Playboy has an impeccable history in dealing with civil rights issues. We didn't have any ulterior motives when deciding on a headline for Mr. Whitlock's excellent story. Even though we used the working title 'The Black KKK' in our assignment letter to Whitlock on February 7, I was not made aware of his displeasure until a month after we had gone to press. (For the record, Whitlock misquotes the subhead to the story. It actually reads, 'Thug life is killing black America. It's time to do something about it.') From the beginning, our idea was not to stir divisiveness but to stir debate. I still believe the title, presentation and planned publicity campaign are appropriate and accurately reflect the points in the article expressed in its introductory paragraph and throughout. I feel that most people who read his brilliant cultural commentary will regard it as a powerful indictment of the root causes of violence and despair devastating our cities and suburbs."
After getting the e-mail, I called Whitlock for a response to the statement. Whitlock says he returned my call because nobody else had gotten a response from Playboy, and he wanted to hear what editors there said. Whitlock says the assignment letter in question got to him after he had filed his piece, and he says he didn't know how the magazine was going to be promoting his article until April 23, when he received a pitch letter being sent to media outlets. "That's when I was like, 'Holy shit,'" he says.
As for the claim that he knew about the headline for a month before the article went to press, Whitlock says: "They're so full of shit."
After our short conversation, Whitlock added: "I realize I'm talking to The Pitch, so I know my words are going to get twisted. You have enough?"
Yes, I believe I do.
By ERIC BARTON
Kansas City weathercasters missed their chance to make on-air, off-color jokes about Jared Allen's jersey number. But Twin Cities weatherman Chris Shaffer wasted no time going right for the tasteless, joking on air that Allen coming to Minneapolis was an omen that somebody was "gonna get 69 sex!"
Shaffer quickly realized he'd gone too far. He corrected himself by saying, "I don't know about that. That's a little aggressive."
Aggressive? To his viewers? To the future the Mrs. Shaffer? Certainly not to Allen, whose Jared Allen's Sports Arena & Grill makes good use of the 69 reference with the slogan "Wine 'em, Dine 'em, 69 'em." Now that's aggressive.
By NADIA PFLAUM
Intrepid reporters that we are, a crew of my coworkers and I checked out the atmosphere at Jared Allen’s Sports Arena bar on Southwest Boulevard. Since the news just broke that Allen’s destined to be a Minnesota Viking, I expected to see the waitstaff to be draping the flat-screens in black. Instead, there was a decent lunch crowd and everything appeared to be normal.
Chucky T, Q104 Country radio personality and owner of the sports bar, took our drink orders. When I asked him what he thought of the trade, he admitted that he was “pissed,” and blamed the entire ordeal on Chief’s president Carl Peterson. Chucky T, ignoring media reports that say the trade was Allen's idea, says that Peterson promised Allen that he could stay in KC, then reneged.
So will the bar be renamed? “Wine ‘em, dine ‘em, and 88 ‘em,” just doesn’t have the same ring. Chucky T told us that he’d keep the bar named for Allen for now, as a tribute, but that someday he might name it after himself.
As a tribute to Chucky T, I borrowed this photo from the photo wall in the lobby of the restaurant:
By ERIC BARTON
Former NFL quarterback and dog-fighting son of a bitch Michael Vick may be serving his prison sentence in the metro area, but has anybody really welcomed him to town? Not one car dealership has featured him in a commercial. Not one downtown loft has boasted that he has bought property there. And not one bar has claimed to be his favorite.
Sure, you might argue that his incarceration in Leavenworth on a 23-month sentence would prevent such promotion. But the T-Bones would like to prove otherwise.
Kansas City T-Bones spokesman Tommy Thrall tells The Pitch that the independent baseball team will hold a Michael Vick "Welcome to the Neighborhood" Night on May 28. The home team will don special black-and-white jerseys, and the visiting Gary South Shore RailCats will wear orange-jail-jumpsuit-inspired uniforms. The team will auction copies of the jerseys to benefit local animal shelters. Bring a photo of your pooch, and you can get two-for-one bleacher or berm tickets.
Thrall says the point is to "raise awareness about animal abuse." Six or seven adoption groups will be on hand with animals in need of homes. "We want to use this to do something positive," Thrall says.
Vick, you can assume, won't be attending.
By ERIC BARTON
The Pitch's Josh Ziegler caught this video in downtown Lawrence last night of the celebration that followed KU's national championship win.
Meanwhile KU's chancellor sent out this e-mail today letting Lawrence students know they'll have a snow day today. Sorry, KU students in Overland Park, you're not included.
Dear Students,In recognition of KU's victory in the NCAA national championship game, classes on KU's Lawrence campus only are cancelled [sic] for Tuesday, April 8. Classes will resume on Wednesday. KU Edwards Campus students should plan to attend April 8 classes as scheduled unless otherwise notified by their faculty.
The community will welcome the team home at a public event at approximately 3 p.m. today at Kivisto Field in Memorial Stadium, rain or shine. Doors/gates will open at 1:30; shuttle buses will be running from the Park and Ride lots starting at 12:30 p.m. Parking around the stadium will be open to the public. Please join us in welcoming our National Champions home!
It's a great day to be a Jayhawk!
Robert Hemenway
Chancellor
By CAROLYN SZCZEPANSKI
For the past eight months, a group of urban cyclists have been sprucing up a long-forgotten storefront at 31st and Troost. It's the building with “Niece’s Bags” still painted on the glass-fronted entryway. They’ve been pulling up old floorboards, building a storage shed and collecting donations and tools since last summer. This weekend, it will reopen in the tiny shop space as the 816 Bike Collective.
Joining hundreds of bike collectives 
around the globe, the aim of the 816 is to rescue and repair old or abandoned bicycles and give them away in exchange for money, volunteer manpower or other friendly barter. If other cities are any guide, with a dedicated, non-commercial space to do repairs, host events and distribute bikes, more folks will start pedaling -- and the community of earth-friendly commuters grows.
Check it out when it opens Saturday from 3 to 7 p.m.
By ERIC BARTON
Last week, Pitch contributor Chris Rasmussen wrote this item for the Bugs & Cranks blog that suggested ways to teach his child about the lifetime of misery she'll face if she becomes a Royals fan. Now Chris is getting parenting tips via a video response from broadcaster Trev Alberts:
Chris then posted this response to the response, in which he suggests that perhaps he should "should focus entirely on my daughter’s positive attributes rather than creating a soulless, beaten fan of a small market team."
By DAVID MARTIN
Lance Feyh, a writer and Royals fan who lives in Rolla, has come up with Foxworthyesque 
list of signs indicating terminal allegiance to the hometown team.
The son of Kansans, Feyh tells us that he follows the Royals via satellite radio. As if it's not hard enough rooting for a team that hasn't won 90 games since a current player's dad was on the roster, the Ozarks is Cardinals country, where Royals games are seldom seen on cable.
By ERIC BARTON
Ah spring, that time of year when fountains fire up, tulips bloom along Troost and Royals fans ready themselves for three digits of losses once again. Pitch freelancer Chris Rasmussen, however, has come up with a plan on how to prevent a lifetime of pain for his daughter by bribing her, immersing her in all things 1985 and learning that rooting for the loser is a life lesson.
See the full plan here on the Bugs and Cranks blog, where Rasmussen is also a contributor.
By ERIC BARTON
Journalists spend most of their time pointing out the screw-ups of others, so you have to hand it to Joe Posnanski for pointing out his own in this recent post on his blog. He lists three self-effacing — and pretty funny — blunders early in his career. Truth is, we can all likely relate to that feeling of thinking your latest screw-up is surely going to end your career early.
By C.J. JANOVY
After yesterday’s events at the Big 12 Women's basketball tournament, I have one thing to say to the Kansas State team: Quit yer cryin’! Oh, sure, it was agony to watch that game-winning ball circle the rim a couple of times before falling out, but it was even more agonizing to see girls acting like… girls after losing to Iowa State. If I have to watch athletes cry after tough losses, I’d much rather it be dudes.
Here’s what made me weep: Watching the University of Kansas women, who started their game against Oklahoma State with skill and grace, disintegrate after 10 short minutes. Last night’s game was so hard to watch that I began to amuse myself by wondering how hard it must be for the OSU staff to dress in orange and black all the time, as if every night was Halloween back in Stillwater. Or how their coach, Kurt Budke, bore an uncanny resemblance to Ruben Kincaid.
I also enjoyed a pack of rowdy Colorado fans. Having no real team to cheer for since the Buffalo gals got knocked out in the first game, they’d adopted OSU – and behaved mercilessly toward KU player LaChelda Jacobs, who wears number “00.” They yelled things like, “That’s the worst number in the world!” and “How could you choose double zeros?” They also had a repertoire of well-rehearsed nonsense cheers (one had something to do with cheeseburgers) that were fun, if confounding.
The best part of the night, though, was the OSU band. With half the tubas of the Kansas band – hell, let’s just say half the brass – they kicked the Jayhawks’ ass. Most impressive was their cool, cool drummer. That’s one of those crazy Colorado fans dancing in the aisle.
By C.J. JANOVY
Homegirls carried the day yesterday, the first day of the Big 12 Women’s Basketball Championship at Municipal Auditorium. Yeah, Mizzou pulled of a big upset win over Oklahoma. But the homegirls who were clearly the most hardcore were the folks from Ames. The Cyclones played the first game yesterday, but at 10 p.m., fans dressed in red and yellow still filled out half of three sections behind the north goal for the Kansas-Nebraska game -- apparently just for the hell of it.
Oh, sure, most of the attention is on the sold-out men’s tourney at the Sprint Center. But the women’s action has its own unique charms – especially for anyone who enjoys seeing tall, tough gals show their stuff. I missed the Mizzou game early in the day (something about having to send a newspaper to the printer yesterday), but the KU women earned my respect last night. It was a sloppy, physical game, and it seemed as if players spent as much time crashing to the floor as they did driving to the basket in the first 10 minutes. Nebraska couldn’t seem to sink anything – by the end of the night, a pack of middle-aged Husker fans behind me were wailing that it was as if the team had never played a game before.
Other observations from the tourney’s first day:
• Municipal Auditorium might have been recently redone, and its Art Deco architecture is charming, but did they have to repaint the concourse walls in that same pinkish color left over from, I don’t know, 1950? It’s the color of Silly Putty, the shade of a flesh-colored crayon – a color that, no matter how new it is, can only be described as “Dinge.” And I don’t know about the men’s bathrooms, but it’s weird in the women’s, where stalls have cool marble dividers that only go up so high – I’m 5-foot-10, and the dividers only come up to my shoulders. I’m no basketball player, but if there were one standing in the next stall, we could have had a face-to-face conversation while zipping up. Couldn’t they have fixed that in the renovations?
• At one point, hyping all the fan activities just four blocks away, the announcer had trouble spitting out “the Sprint Center,” calling it instead the “Spring” Center.
• The most annoying – and, therefore, best – pep band was from the University of Texas, where the fight song seems to be a mashup of “In Heaven There Is No Beer” and “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad.” It’s been awhile since I’ve heard that song, but it’ll be stuck in my head for the next few months.
• Best pom-pom squad: Texas Tech, which had the tightest abs, tightest smiles, tightest black pants – and tightest routines. These four gals, with their glittery red-and-black poms, moved like Stepford-hot girlfriends on speed. But the best cheerleader outfits were definitely Nebraska’s: along with the requisite short red skirts, the girls wore red tanks with retro-’08s on the front, and – this was the best – knee-high tube socks with two white stripes.
• That didn’t help their team win last night, though. And afterwards, despite the sandwich board outside Municipal advertising the fan-fest four blocks away, 13th Street was so empty and quiet that it wouldn’t have been surprising to see a tumbleweed blow through.
By DAVID MARTIN
Kansas City sports fans are lucky to have a writer as talented as Joe Posnanski covering their teams. If you don’t know what I mean, spend a few weeks subsisting on the poop Woody Paige leaves on Denver doorsteps every other day.
Yeah, it’s nice to be greeted by Joe’s big ol’ round head after getting through the Metro section. But his annual “The Royals are going to win the division!” column is a source of dread.
The Royals have been so bad for so long that even sunny Joe can’t write the column with a straight face. In this year’s edition of Hope Springs Eternal, Posnanski cops to thoughts of suspending the tradition. But the smell of freshly cut Arizona sod and an e-mail poll trumped reason. So at spring training, the Poz huddled with some unnamed baseball men, and from under their Panama hats out came these turds:
Hillman got tossed in Japan
“To me, the difference is [new manager] Trey Hillman. Take a look and see what Eric Wedge did as manager in Cleveland.”
Number of years it took Wedge’s Indians to win the division: Five.
“Team environment is everything.”
Things actually more important than “environment”: Hitting, pitching, defense, base running, powder-blue uniforms, bat day.
“Brian Bannister is going to win 15 games.”
Bannister is a fun player. Not overly talented, he tends to get outs with his wits more than anything. But as much as they might be rooting for him, few educated people expect Bannister to match his 2007 performance (12-9, 3.87 ERA).
To evaluate pitchers, nerds have to come like a stat called batting average on balls hit in play. The research indicates that BABIP is largely a function of defense and the whims of the baseball gods. A typical BABIP is .290. Bannister’s was .264 last year, suggesting that Royals defenders’ mitts intercepted an unusually high number of hard-hit balls. Watch, those line drives will land for doubles in 2008.
“Brett Tomko is going to win 15 games.”
If a scout really said this, he should be fired immediately for incompetence. Brett Tomko sucks. The man hasn’t won 15 games, like, ever. Yet, according to Posnanski’s column, some sunburned, cigar-chomping fool actually thinks Tomko, at age 34, is going to win as many games as Johan Santana and Daisuke Matsuzaka did last year. Instead of writing down this quote, Joe should have punched the scout in the face.
Yes, David, you’re out
“You know, David DeJesus, last year was really his first full season.”
Year DeJesus made his major-league debut: 2003.
Year DeJesus first started the majority of Royals games in CF: 2004
Year DeJesus first logged at least 450 at-bats: 2005.
“It was really Mark Teahen’s first full season.”
Teahen’s career at-bats: 1,384.
2006 NL MVP Ryan Howard’s career at-bats: 1,461.
“I think with David DeJesus, Mark Grudzielanek, Mark Teahen, Alex Gordon, Billy Butler, Joe Guillen and all the others, we’re going to score a lot of runs.”
In 2007, only Guillen was better offensively than the average player at his position. Gordon and Butler seem poised for great things. But when DeJesus, Teahen and a 37-year-old second baseman comprise the core of your attack and you play in the American League, the words “a lot” and “runs” do not belong in the same sentence.
