By ERIC BARTON
University of Kansas prof David Perlmutter did well on Jon Stewart's Daily Show last night, holding his own in a discussion about how the blogosphere is dominating politics.
But the real news for Jayhawk fans? Stewart's nearly subliminal Jayhawk battle cry before the interview begins.
By ERIC BARTON
Kansas City weathercasters missed their chance to make on-air, off-color jokes about Jared Allen's jersey number. But Twin Cities weatherman Chris Shaffer wasted no time going right for the tasteless, joking on air that Allen coming to Minneapolis was an omen that somebody was "gonna get 69 sex!"
Shaffer quickly realized he'd gone too far. He corrected himself by saying, "I don't know about that. That's a little aggressive."
Aggressive? To his viewers? To the future the Mrs. Shaffer? Certainly not to Allen, whose Jared Allen's Sports Arena & Grill makes good use of the 69 reference with the slogan "Wine 'em, Dine 'em, 69 'em." Now that's aggressive.
By NADIA PFLAUM
When I was in high school, video cameras were still large, heavy and required Dad's permission to borrow.
But since digital video cameras became affordable and cuter than shit, every bored, suburban teenager seems to have one. And while there are undoubtedly thousands of budding Kubricks out there making mind-blowing films, there are also thousands of kids filming each other's minds being blown.
So while experimenting with drugs, as bored, suburban teenagers are wont to do, they can film each other tweaking out. Later, when they upload it all onto YouTube, they end up outing 
themselves on the 'net, thereby educating us old folks about what the kids are up to these days.
Interestingly, the most creative ways of getting high aren't even illegal in most states. There's a plant called Salvia divinorum that looks like mint, but has no distinct smell. When smoked, it produces a brief-but-intense high that includes hysterical laughing and inexplicable hallucinating. Sound fun?
I thought so too, until I saw this guy.
He is SO grounded.
Salvia was deemed a Schedule 1 hallucinogen in Missouri in 2005. It's still legal in Kansas, but just today, Senate Bill 481 passed the Kansas House and is on its way to becoming law.
"Robotripping" is the other not-at-all-new, legal substance that you and the hot girl from Econ are guzzling by the bottleful on YouTube. I remember kids talking about the 'Tussin back in high school, but it never seemed that appealing to me. Maybe this next video, posted by someone from Lawrence, is why.
Some people might find these videos immensely entertaining, but these kids' moms probably don't. Just a tip, kiddos: After you're done rewinding and watching and laughing at your friends drooling and rolling around on the floor, press ERASE.
By PETER RUGG
According to the site’s counter, not many people are watching Aaron Nickens’ series of videos on YouTube titled “Urban Testimony.” Not that it bothers him.
“I’m not trying to get the most hits. I’m trying to show that there are some people in the inner city who care enough to give other people a platform to say how they feel,” says the 37-year-old truck driver. Nickens, born and raised in the inner city of Kansas City, Missouri, started posting the videos three months ago. The idea is simple -- approach people living in the areas most affected by violent crime and give them a few minutes to talk about what they think should be done.
Nickens says he has never been a victim of violent crime. “But I don’t feel it should come to that to get involved,” he says. Most people he has interviewed tell him that the problem with crime begins at home, especially those with one parent. “Sometimes the mother who is the one there with the children most of the time, she can’t give those kids what they want because she so focused with keeping a roof over their heads.”
So far, he has posted seven, with at least 10 more on the way.
By JEN CHEN
Really, all you need to know about last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of New York City is summed up in this clip (via Jezebel).
It’s fashion week in New York, and Alex, our former Fort Scott resident, is invited to one of the shows. “Is it a good designer that I’m going to know of?” asks Simon, her gay/not-gay husband. She replies that it’s Pamella Roland. He responds with an “eww, OMG” face. Later, he says to the camera, “Just because I like clothes doesn’t mean I’m gay.”
Alex then channels Malcolm Gladwell and talks about how she’s hoping to meet a lot of high-profile people. “It’d be great to know people who are connectors,” she says. Before the show, though, Bethenny (the single Housewife who’s massively pressuring her boyfriend of six months to commit) invites Alex to get dressed by this Pamella Roland. So, they’re getting their hair and makeup done when Alex has to respond to a text from Simon. He’s asking whether he should wear dark or light-colored boots. “Oh my God, tell him he’s in the midst of a deep homosexual panic, and he should go with his instincts,” Bethenny says.
Simon goes with the brown. At the show, they meet Housewife Jill, who is indeed a Connector; she says she’ll help them out in looking into private pre-kindergarten schools for their 3-year-old. According to Simon, getting into a decent private pre-K in NYC is harder than getting into Harvard. However, Jill’s a little baffled that Simon’s even there. “You don’t see a lot of husbands at the shows,” she comments. She also notes that Alex and Simon seem a little bit nervous, 
which “may come off as ‘trying too hard.’” In the meantime, Bethenny’s fascinated/horrified by the fact that Simon, who’s sitting behind them in the second row, stands up and massages Alex’s shoulders during the show. “They’re attached at the hip,” she says. “They’re totally co-dependent.”
Next week: Bethenny says that Alex overcompensates for her insecurity by being pretentious. And Jill says that their kids will get their asses kicked in school for their pretentiously twee names (François and Johan).
By NADIA PFLAUM
On Saturday, members of Anonymous, the Internet-dwelling Scientology protest group responsible for leaking that insane Tom Cruise-laughing-in-an-armchair video to the world, gathered at 39th and Main to "celebrate" L. Ron Hubbard's birthday. They wore party hats in honor of Scientology's creator, along with the prerequisite bandanas, Guy Fawkes masks and signs calling the religion a hoax. Sadly, there was no birthday cake.
This guy was there, wearing a burqa:
The video's shaky, mostly because my ungloved hands started to go numb from the freezing 
wind. Also? I'm a shitty videographer.
Particularly paranoid members of Anonymous will be interested to learn that I received a visit from members of the Kansas City Scientology headquarters after my first blog on the February 10 protest. Maggie Kittinger gave me a too-firm handshake and a packet containing a DVD of 30 Scientology public service announcements titled "Youth for Human Rights" (NOT as entertaining as the Tom Cruise video, unfortunately) and a press release responding to Anonymous' protests, calling the group "cyber-terrorists."
"'Anonymous' is perpetrating religious hate crimes against Churches of Scientology and individual Scientologists for no reason other than religious bigotry," the statement reads. "'Anonymous' initially justified its attacks by claiming that the Church's requests to some website to remove a stolen video of an internal Church event [crazy Tom Cruise video!! -NP] 
somehow constituted an affront to free speech. In fact, the Church, as would any copyright owner, had simply sent routine notices that the video constituted a copyright violation. Similar notices are sent daily by the television and recording industries to those who display pirated, copyrighted works."
The statement went on to say that the church's services would continue uninterrupted despite the protests and that they'd contacted local authorities to "minimize the negative impact of this mask-wearing, cyber-terrorist group."
I didn't see any terroristic activity, but then again, I left after the chants of "SCIENTOLOGISTS HAVE BUTT SEX!" began. Beware the Ides of March, indeed.
By CAROLYN SZCZEPANSKI
Admit it: you totally flirt with all the cute guys in your class on MySpace. I mean, LYL, but if you don't have a profile, you might as well be dead.
So why not the boys in blue?
Cruising down Minnesota Avenue in Kansas City, Kansas, the other day, I noticed a recruitment banner outside the KCK Police Department headquarters. And, like, OMG, the KCK cops totally have a MySpace page.
It's pretty hot, too. Especially the video montage below. Who knew how badass middle-aged, white guys look squirting each other in the face with pepper spray or whacking each other in the shins with sticks? Then again, maybe I was distracted by that wicked cover of Genesis' "Land of Confusion." But, dude, this isn't your dad's police force. No pussy Phil Collins fans need apply.
By C.J. JANOVY
After yesterday’s events at the Big 12 Women's basketball tournament, I have one thing to say to the Kansas State team: Quit yer cryin’! Oh, sure, it was agony to watch that game-winning ball circle the rim a couple of times before falling out, but it was even more agonizing to see girls acting like… girls after losing to Iowa State. If I have to watch athletes cry after tough losses, I’d much rather it be dudes.
Here’s what made me weep: Watching the University of Kansas women, who started their game against Oklahoma State with skill and grace, disintegrate after 10 short minutes. Last night’s game was so hard to watch that I began to amuse myself by wondering how hard it must be for the OSU staff to dress in orange and black all the time, as if every night was Halloween back in Stillwater. Or how their coach, Kurt Budke, bore an uncanny resemblance to Ruben Kincaid.
I also enjoyed a pack of rowdy Colorado fans. Having no real team to cheer for since the Buffalo gals got knocked out in the first game, they’d adopted OSU – and behaved mercilessly toward KU player LaChelda Jacobs, who wears number “00.” They yelled things like, “That’s the worst number in the world!” and “How could you choose double zeros?” They also had a repertoire of well-rehearsed nonsense cheers (one had something to do with cheeseburgers) that were fun, if confounding.
The best part of the night, though, was the OSU band. With half the tubas of the Kansas band – hell, let’s just say half the brass – they kicked the Jayhawks’ ass. Most impressive was their cool, cool drummer. That’s one of those crazy Colorado fans dancing in the aisle.
By NADIA PFLAUM
This video is old (obviously, because Rummy's in it), but it's still funny. Sometimes the best jokes are the most immature.
By CAROLYN SZCZEPANSKI
This past summer, Jarmila Gajdosova brought her powerful game and badass attitude to the Kansas City Explorers, one of 11 teams in the World Team Tennis association. She kept the crowds at Barney Allis Plaza on the edge of their seats and, after muscling her way to the second-best winning percentage of any broad in the WTT, she was crowned Rookie of the Year for 2007.
Earlier this week, Slovak-born Gajdosova, ranked 145th on the world stage, took on one of America's best in the Australian Open. The KC Explorer fell to 7th-ranked Serena Williams, 6-3, 6-3, in the first round. But taking six games from the reigning Aussie Open champ is no slouch; here's hoping she's back on the court at Barney Allis this summer.
By ERIC BARTON
If you love Stretch, the sculptor and owner of Grinders restaurant, you'll dig this video of him from last night's episode of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. If him saying things like his place is "Stretchified" and "I'm a very big man" annoy you, then you might not want to watch what follows.
By NADIA PFLAUM
Last week, a guy allegedly drove his car through Wichita City Hall. He wasn't pleased during his first court appearance.
By ERIC BARTON
Even KU fans would have to admit the cookies one is damn funny.
By ERIC BARTON
Christmas is long over, but there's still one more gift: this video of KMBC Channel 9's Larry Moore reading to a bunch of kids who couldn't care less.
Only two of the collected brood of children make it through the story. The one on Moore's left looks like he might have had a bit too much Benadryl that day. And the other, well, it looks like Moore has him in a death grip. The others do like his viewers probably did before this segment and find something better to do.
While we here at The Pitch have been Photoshopping "Free Mustache Rides" shirts on everyone and their mother to commemorate the end of Kansas AG Paul Morrison's career, the folks at the Wichita Eagle are a bit more mature. They made a holiday-themed music video.
