Local Musician Conducts Focus Group
Brandon Phillips needs no introduction, nor does his Wayward Blog Exclusive Survey Findings Report need explanation. Enjoy. -- Harper
At 12:00 PM CST on Saturday, November 17, 2007 I, Brandon Taylor Phillips, sat down with a cassette-tape from a rehearsal of my band, the Architects, to write lyrics to portions of previously composed music. At approximately 12:25 PM CST that same day, after repeated listening to the taped performance, I had what composers and lyricists refer to as “An Awful Idea”.
Based on my vast experience as a Music Industry Professional and my well-known reputation as a “Balla’”, I determined that the one and only course of action open to me in the face of the aforementioned “Awful Idea” was to organize an ad hoc Focus Group and put my “Awful Idea” to the test of peer opinion. The methodology was standard text-message or SMS-call-and-response. The sample group consisted of songwriters, experts in the field of popular music, and artists. The following are the results of that Focus Group Test.
(Photo by Michael Forester)
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Chris Tolle: (no response)
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Kim Anderson (Flee The Seen): Because cars break down and I’m tired of songs with breakdowns.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Brian Dolny (Local Artist/Bon Vivant): Because you are a tool. :)
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Jason Harper (Music Editor): Because you are not in Federation of Horsepower.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Keenan Nichols (Genius/Bon Vivant): Sorry brough, no can do. Seems to work well for Springsteen.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Diddy (CEO, Bad Boy Entertainment/Shot Caller): Have you seen my fleet of Lincolns? How can you afford NOT to???
Me: true.
Diddy: word.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Adam Levin (World Famous Artist Manager): No reason. Continue with “ode upon a dodge dart”
Me: “The Wind Beneath My Prius”
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Hank Williams Jr. (Country Music Offspring): Too clichéd. Why not try writing one about football?
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Antony B. (Atlantic Records A&R): It’s a Camry.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Billy Pettinger (Singer/songwriter/temptress/Canadian): YOU STILL HAVEN’T WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT ME YET!!
[Let me underline the point that we are strictly FRIENDS. No inference otherwise should be made. -- B]
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Joby Ford (guitarist-The Bronx): Go for it. Yeah.
Me: Give me one good reason why I should not write a song about a car?
Thom Yorke (Radiohead): It’s bollix innit? U should give the song away while giving people for whom you’ve expressed little more than distrust and contempt the OPTION of paying a few quid for it thereby avoiding any contribution to the worldwide Sino-Masonic conspiracy to reprogram the entire world population by means of media control and the devaluation of Intellectual Property Rights.
Me: thx Thom.
Thom Yorke: No prob. An’ convert all your money to precious metals!
Me: thx again Thom.
Thom Yorke: …and wear a tinfoil hat so the Jews won’t be able to read your thoughts!*
Me: I’m jewish, Thom.
Thom Yorke: Blimey!*
Although there was no prepared follow-up questioning and overall this Focus Test fell a damn sight short of what Michael Eisner or David O’Fucking Selsnick would call “scientific,” I feel like most respondents were feeling positive about my concept and I will dutifully submit my results for approval by the overlords at Amalgamated Architects Ventures Inter-Global Headquarters.
I hope you have enjoyed another clumsy and brazen attempt at Corporate Public Relations hackery in an election year.
*I have no evidence whatsoever that Thom Yorke is anti-semitic.
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