As part of a therapeutic regimen for my frequent antisocial outbursts, and in addition to my Provigil prescription, I'm supposed to follow up any negative statements I make with positive observations. As a bonus, this creates a kind of Hannity & Colmes pseudo-balance I can vaguely wave at whenever anybody says I'm biased. So the twin observations that

A) the opening bands were just about the ghastliest I can remember watching,

and

B) the members of Last Conservative are five years past any semblance of youthful insouciance and now look like the aging dudes hanging out at a teenage house party,

should both be considered in the context of the fact that I really like Hal Hartley films and chicken fried steak.

Shonen Knife played its first show in 1981. But Naoko and Atsuko are obviously living healthy lifestyles as evidenced by the fact that they don't look like the Japanese Joan Collinses you might expect. There's a lot to be said for a balanced diet, regular sleep and maintaining optimum bone density with once-a-month Boniva. Here's paid spokesmodel Sally Field with a word about Boniva:

"Because postmenopausal osteoporosis thins bones, making them more susceptible to fracture, it is important to discuss treatment options with your doctor. With Boniva, once-difficult activities like bending, lifting, and blasting out punk-pop garage rock in a Lawrence music venue can seem normal again."

Unlike tourmates Last Conservative, Shonen Knife still actually look like their MySpace photos, and they still make a mighty sound. Their signature Ramones-inflected guitar rock features bright, ingenuous lyrics about cookies, sushi, and spam e-mail. The songs are engaging and as melodic as you can possibly get within the haiku-like artistic constraint of three chords. Obstinately happy and uptempo, they hearken to the vanishing concept that rock and roll should be fun. Speaking of which, here's a quiz: One of the following statements is mid-set stage-patter from Last Conservative, and the other is a song intro by Shonen Knife. Are you clever enough to guess which is which?

A) "Hey, do you like sushi? What kind of sushi do you like? Do you like tuna rolls?"

B) "This is a song about a chick I knew who turned into a psycho-bitch."

For the answer, turn your monitor upside down:

˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ sƃuos ǝʇıɹʍ ʎǝɥʇ ɥɔnɯ os slɹıƃ sǝʇɐɥ ǝʌıʇɐʌɹǝsuoɔ ʇsɐl puɐ 'ıɥsns ʇnoqɐ suoıʇsǝnb ǝʇılod lɐɹǝʌǝs ǝɔuǝıpnɐ ǝɥʇ pǝʞsɐ ǝɟıuʞ uǝuoɥs :ɹǝʍsuɐ

Encyclopedia Brown-O-Vision courtesy of the Randolph Caldecott medal-winning author of upside-down children's books, the Text-Flip Web Tool. And with regard to the implicit negative criticism of a certain Buffalo-based post-grunge alt-generica band, let me just point out that I am an enormous fan of television's Katee Sackhoff.

If you're as narcissistic as I am, there's nothing you like more than having other people explain to you the various ways in which you're awesome. Absent other people to explain it to you, you might instead write about it in your journal or just gaze thoughtfully at your toned and glistening quadriceps in a full-length mirror (again: if you're like me). Similarly, when Japanese musicians absorb a ton of Western music and then filter it through the lens of their culture, it's a lot like hearing representatives of another nation tell you why your own culture is so awesome. Therefore, America is awesome in equal proportion to the awesomeness of Shonen Knife's Sunday night concert at the Bottleneck. Final score:

TEN BALD EAGLES!

"Remember: You should not take Boniva if you have low blood calcium, cannot sit or stand for at least 60 minutes, have severe kidney disease, or are allergic to Boniva."