Kansas City Blog

Editor's Note: In response to a challenge that arose out of the comments section of my Black Francis review, stout and hearty music fan That Guy (known to his friends as Bryan Hobby), took to the hills and dales of Sandstone to review the Vans Warped Tour from his own perspective. I commend his bravery and determination. Someone get That Guy a beer. -- Jason Harper

BY THAT GUY

I was an angry young man living in Salt Lake City when I attended my first Warped Tour in 1995. The 15-band, one-stage lineup was decent for its day. With acts from the fringes of the rock world, including Deftones, No Doubt, Sublime and L7, the Warped Tour set a precedent of bringing "the best bands you've never heard of" to a nationwide audience.

Skipping forward to the present, I'm no longer angry and no longer young. The Warped Tour, now in its 15th year, with 70 (or so) acts spread out over 7 stages, hasn't really changed.

They still bring in acts from the outer reaches and stack them next to old favorites that you have always wanted to see. That is, unless you are one of the hundreds of the "under 16" crowd. In that case, the Warped tour is bringing your new favorite band that you are dying to see and stacking them next to the bands your older brother listened to.

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Either way, you are going to hear some things you love and some things you don't.

Tour founder Kevin Lyman said it best in a 2007 interview "...if you're not open minded and willing to see some diverse music, stay home."

With that, lets go over this year's showcase. I'm just hitting the high and low points here. There's no way to write a comprehensive review without boring the hell out of all involved parties.

I arrived at 11 a.m. ...

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Before I even get to the gate, there were bands milling around with music players and headphones, asking, "Would you like to listen to my band?" No, thank you, I really don't. This turned out to be a common occurrence throughout the venue. I applaud the determination of these musicians, but I still didn't listen to a single one. Maybe I would have, if they had sanitized those headphones.

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I milled through the venue along the merch tables for a while, making my way to the main stage.

Now in their third year playing on the tour, Internet-famous 3Oh!3 opened up the main stage. Starting off with "I Can't Do It Alone," they followed with "Punk Bitch" (I think), during which Sugar Ray lookalike Sean Foreman beckoned the crowd to join him in playing "air piano." During "Colorado Sunrise," Foreman took a moment to perform some interpretive dance. As they launched into "Choke Chain," a pleasant ditty that touches on their dominance over their pets, Nate (the one who in no way resembles Sugar Ray) bid the crowd to "Go fucking crazy!" The fans not wanting to anger these gangstas from Boulder, did in fact go crazy. They stayed crazy, too, all the way through "I'm Not Your Boyfriend, Baby" and into some song that no one around me knew the name of. The set ended after "Don't Trust Me." For those who didn't see them, 3oh!3 is a train wreck. An adorable, funny, and entertaining train wreck.

Onward.

I passed by the Hurly Stage as The Maine took time to tell everyone to "stay in school and off drugs." Were they being ironic? Who cares, its good advice.

Made it to the Skull Candy Stage to catch the end of Therefore I Am. One fan made it a point to tell me "...the ticket was worth it for just that band."

45 bucks to see "Therefore I Am"... if you say so.

On the far side of the Hurly stage an inflated slip and slide was being put to good use. Not by me, I had work to do.

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At 1:35 on the Kia Kevin Says Stage, Inward Eye, hailing from Winnipeg, were laying it out like they meant it. Their final song, "Day After Day," was a harmonious, guitar-fueled, poisonous-relationship- punk ballad. Fans Abi and Ken from Cameron, MO, said about Inward Eye: "That was some old-school-shit, in-your-face kind of deal. It was like the Two Girls and a Cup video with a baby in the microwave."

I think that means it was a good show. (I'm not sure how it means it was a good show, none of that sounds very good.)

I thought it was a good show.

Over on the main stage We Three Kings overcame some technical difficulties so they could dive into a crowd-pleasing cover of Jimmy Eat World's "In the Middle". Their three guitarists (kings) made short work of this amped-up cover.

I went in search of beer while waiting for the Exposed back at the Kia Kevin Says Stage. True to my form, I found beer. (Not that it was hiding, but it wasn't exactly advertised either)

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The Exposed are everything you could want in a punk band. They're skinny guys from England, with full sleeve tattoos, good harmonies, solid guitar work, and the drummer has a mohawk . They even said "bollocks." See? Everything you could want.

At 2:55 Bad Religion took the stage. Guess what? They are still the preachiest band on the planet. Good mosh pit, though.

Following Bad Religion, heavy hitters the Bouncing Souls fired up the Main Stage. As typical of the Souls, they were spot on, playing seemingly without effort. Not loose ... smooth. They laid out standards like "Hopeless Romantic" and "Private Radio" and mixed in a cover of the Misfits' "Hybrid Moments." Fishbone sax man Angelo Moore joined in for a song (I didn't write down which one, oops). Architects guitarist Keenan Nichols jumped in for "True Believers" and members of the Exposed came in on "Manthem".

The show I was most impressed by was played by Kansas City's own Architects. You can call it nepotism if you want. Maybe my opinion was swayed, seeing locals up on a big stage and all. Or maybe they just fucking rock. I'm going with the latter.

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I arrived back at the main stage, just in time to hear ska legends Less Than Jake head into a cover of the Freecreditreport.com jingle. Groan.

They made up for it with sheer showmanship. I can't say that there was a more entertaining show all day. Crowd interaction is the name of Less Than Jake's game. After scolding a girl in the crowd for texting during the show, they had her come on stage to (unenthusiastically) dance with Bad Religion's Brian Baker, and then booed her off. Then came the "cougars only" crowd surfing during "My Own Worst Enemy," which culminated in several women skanking around the stage and kissing lead man Chris Demakes. The icing on the ska-show cake was when Chris pointed out two of the older members of the crowd and invited them on stage to have a beer. The chaperoning grandparents (Steve and Doris of Montezuma, IA) were happy to oblige, drinking beer and headbanging with the band. They were super good sports and it was fun to watch.

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Really, this is where the fun ended. Now for the low points.

The Millionaires: Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Bratz dolls came to life and formed a group that screeches to up-tempo techno music? If indeed you have wondered this, hop on YouTube and look up the Millionaires. Be warned once you do, you can't unsee it or unhear it. (Special note: If you have a daughter that listens to this "group," you are a bad parent.)

I won't waste time ragging on Brokencyde. Life has already done that. To be fair, they had a good-size crowd.

As the sun set, I dragged my sun-burned, dehydrated carcass back to my truck.

I heard some things I loved and some things I didn't.

That's Warped Tour, and I was feeling all of the 15 years it had been since that day in Salt Lake City.

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For more photos, go to That Guy's Flickr